Social Media : The Game We Play

Maybe the exile doomed on me this kind of thoughts..... Been on and off the terrain and all I got is this. I am a 20-something, and social media is not the reality but I use it every day. Since the inception of facebook, I cannot remember a week that has gone by where I have not checked one of my social media forums to see what New Things have gone on, or what Nice/Funny Things people are commenting, what's trending and what the new cool is. And I have realized that I am, we all are, self-absorbed assholes. Does it make it okay that we are self-absorbed assholes as a cohort, storming the streets while taking selfies? And live-tweeting every action we make, every step we take.(Gbenga's sub, lool). Or is it just ridiculous that we have been raised in a culture so self-entitled that we are under the impression that our every thought is worth our every friends’ attention and clicks of gratification?

Multiple times daily, hourly, I take my phone from its position no further than three feet from me and flick instinctually to twitter/bbm/Facebook. I numblingly scroll through the current fixed lives of my several hundred casual friends to see what they are up to at that given moment in time. Everyone on my news feed looks so polished underneath their 'Valencia' pain(the man united player's recent apollo injury). They are out with their social media warmth, and me, ignoring whatever warmth is currently surrounding me physically. It seems like a different world, this social media game we play. People, toddling around yards and spaces, judging one another’s happiness by comments, subs, pms, dps. And every like on our posts or every 'true talk' comment on our pms and Timeline is like Winning points. The winning of points based on a computer programed definition of happy; losing points by doing nothing when no one was keeping score. It is a warped game we play, indeed, and we are all playing along like this is forever the norm.

What is ironic and yet understandable to me is the way newlyweds take on facebook before and after their wedding. At that time most couples are unknowingly rubbing their happiness in the faces of all their single friends. Also funny to me how some certain friends likes my post (sensible or not). The best of Facebook friends, giving a thumbs-up to each other’s life accomplishments and then quickly scrolling past said accomplishment on our news feeds, onto our next best friend’s life event that we could bestow a Like upon. Silent praise and envy, mixed into one single passive-aggressive click. I hated it and relished in it at the same time.

Basically, every time we see that someone positively acknowledged our carefully calculated social media world and its posts, we get off to it like it is a drug. It feels good. Then the feeling fades, and we want more. Dopamine is a funny thing, and it is a key player in reward-driven learning. I posted a photo of me infront of trend express(a wrist watch stand in Lagos) and it received way more attention than the inspirational quote I posted a day before it. The People do not want to hear your shit. Man was not created to see what 800 people were doing at one time. Man was created to go out and seek the world, rather than scroll through it.

The main focus of social media is ourselves, and ourselves in comparison to other people. Even if you had not realized that before: how awesome do you feel about your year in a cubicle after seeing your friend’s 850 photographs of him backpacking through life-drama without a care in the world? We are torn between our current lives and our ficticious lives. We post “casual” photographs with friends at a bar in our best outfits, wearing sunglasses indoors like celebrities. And inside, we might feel silly. But outside, we are just playing the game. And after all, that bar photo got like, 53 likes.

I realized that social media, or, Social Media, has been a part of my entire teenaged experience(no longer one tho'). It is an unstoppable force, impossible to get rid of, tap-dancing in our faces to remind us of what we are missing and why everyone should love us, the star of the show. I see ladies pursing their lips in “duck face” mode at the camera, hips popped, elbows out, modeling whatever trend we have created where this is an acceptably sexy pose. I see shirtless guys with crappy abs , photos of fast cars and unobtainable sunsets, selfies and exotic locations. Most of all, what I see is a brag board of envy, a place to highlight our highs in life and to slip past our lows. I on the other hand post both the highs and lows in life that's why I rant a lot on social media, I don't slip past my lows because if I'm gracious to let you know the highs in my life then you must be gracious to accept my lows too (but reasonably both lows and highs should have been kept in a box of secret). I see a carefully constructed fake life, where we tell one of our 563 friends that “ girl, you look so good in that dress,” and then talk shit about how slutty that dress was to our friends later. We are lose-lose in these scenarios. We are lovers and haters of ourselves and those around us. We have false idols and false lives( like I said in an old post). We are posters of fake Marilyn Monroe or winston churchill inspirational quotes and manipulators of photographs, pouring endlessly over which shade and tone slims our thighs the best. We are the writers, directors, producers, and actors in our own lives. And yet we remain our biggest fans, barely noticing the half-hearted groupies hanging on.

I am not trying to start a revolution. I just want to express a state of mind, and hopefully inflict a spot of light onto your consciousness. Maybe next time you go to take a photo of the beautiful sunset in front of you, you don’t. Maybe you just sit in the quiet of the world around you, alone, and watch the sunset quickly fade. And maybe, as it sets, you don’t have to tell anyone about it. You can watch it slink past the skyline and fade away into the distance, and know that it will be back in the morning to cast a light on your new day. Regardless if all of your friends or none of your friends liked that sunset, what matters is that you did. And maybe we don’t need a heart or a Like to give us that satisfaction.

But remember this: no matter how many selfies you take, no matter how many filters you apply, and no matter how many Likes your photo gets, we are all human. And none of us are getting out alive. So next time you take out your camera, think about capturing the moment, rather than capturing a moment just to filter and post it. Because remarking on everything remarkable, just somehow makes that moment extremely unremarkable.

Agreeableness and Not Being Hurt

My good readers, I sure miss this place. Been away, my notepad is full but no full savings to get a medium to get my message across to you lovely people. It's fun living on the other side of the world..... Not to say much, I just want to share with you a little thing I gained while being on the other side of the world.


When you look at the other people in your life, there are lots of ways that you are the same. You speak the same language, you all eat a few times a day and you have a tendency to breathe regularly. There are also lots of ways that you differ. Some of those differences are physical -- some people are tall and others are short -- but many of them have to do with behavior.

The differences in the way people behave form what we call their personality. There's a core aspect of personality called agreeableness. Agreeableness reflects how important it is for you to get along with other people. If you are highly agreeable, then you organize your life in ways to make sure that the people around you are happy and that they feel warmly toward you. If you are not that agreeable, then you don’t really care much about how the people around you feel about you.

Now, you might think that being agreeable is generally a good thing and that being disagreeable is not. After all, if you are disagreeable, you may get people angry with you or you might turn off your friends. Disagreeable people may come off as judgmental or cold. But I'd choose being disagreeable these days because being nice to people who don't deserve it, is really painful.

But people who are highly agreeable are often too nice. And that can be a huge problem.

Remember, that if you are highly agreeable, you want other people to like you. As a result, you may not want to say things to other people that might upset them. That means that you will not stick up for yourself in lots of situations. You may not tell a friend or significant other that you are not interested in going to an event that they want to attend. You may not tell someone else that they have upset you. You probably have a hard time asking for a raise.

Being agreeable in this part of the world sometimes for youths is about doing what others are doing because you want to be agreeable with the ill-way of some profligating youths.

Being to nice is not just about pleasing just friends alone, it's at times about pleasing your girlfriend/boyfriend. When you do everything just to come out to her as a nice spouse. Nothing bad in it until you are being taken for granted.

What can you do if you find that you’re being too nice? Here are a few suggestions.

Say what you mean. Agreeable people often speak indirectly when they want to criticize or to disagree. If you and your friends are deciding on a plan, and someone suggests something that you don’t enjoy doing, don’t say something vague like, “That isn’t my favorite thing,” or “I guess that is ok.” Be more direct. It is ok to say, “I don’t enjoy that.” You may not always get your way, but at least your opinion will be known.

Write what you can’t say. One problem with not expressing yourself directly is that you may end up resenting people who always get their way. Rather than putting yourself in a position where you may resent others, try to find some way to communicate with them. Writing can help. When you write a note or email to someone else, you distance yourself from their direct reaction. That can be helpful for starting a difficult conversation. While it is always better to speak to someone directly than to write to them, it is better to write than to say nothing at all. People questions this method a lot, the way I rant on BBM and twitter but as much as it is questionable, it helps!

Engage your friends. Often, when you have to say something that you are afraid might offend someone, you assume the worst. You begin to believe that someone else will take what you have to say in the worst possible way. In the end, it is easy to talk yourself out of communicating at all, because you fear a negative reaction.

In those cases, find a neutral friend and explain the situation. Tell them what you plan to say and get their reaction. Sometimes, your friend may suggest other ways of approaching the interaction. But, often, your friends will help you to realize that your complaint is not going to cause a huge rift. That can give you the confidence to say what you need to say.

In the end, the key is to make sure that you communicate with people as directly as possible. When you are a nice person, that communication can be difficult. But, in the end, it will make your relationships stronger.

The Man In The Glass

The Man in the Glass

When you get what you want in your struggle for self
And the world makes you king for a day,
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see what that man has to say.
For it isn’t your father or mother or wife
Who judgement upon you must pass;
The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the one staring back from the glass.


Some people may think your a straight-shootin’ chum
And call you a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you’re only a bum
If you can’t look him straight in the eye.
He’s the fellow to please, never mind all the rest,
For he’s with you clear up to the end.
And you’ve passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the man in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of life
And get pats on your back as you pass.
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears
If you’ve cheated the man in the glass.

Bitter in the cup of Joy: Time flies!

Once more I had sunshine. The clouds seemed to depart as suddenly as they had risen, and that same rejoicing and rosy light which had encircled the brow of manhood at its dawn long shrouded, seemingly lost for ever, and swallowed up in darkness--came out as softly
and quietly in the maturer day, as if its sweet serene had never known even momentary obscuration.

Love, verily, is the purple light of youth. If it abides, blessing and blessed, with the unsophisticated heart, youth never leaves us. Gray brows make not age--the feeble step, the wrinkled visage, these indicate the progress of time, but not the passage of youth.
Happy hearts keep us in perpetual spring, and the glow of childhood without its weaknesses is ours to the final limit of seventy. The sense of desolation, the pang of denial, the baffled hope, and the defrauded love, these constitute the only age that should ever give the heart a pang. I can fancy a good myself as a man advancing through all the mortal stages from seventeen to seventy-five, and crowned by the sympathies of corresponsive affections, simply going on from youth to youth, ending at last in youth's perfect immortality!

The hope of this--not so much a hope as an instinct--is the faith of our boyhood. The boy, as the father of the man, transmits this hope to riper years; but if the experience of the day correspond not with the promise of the dawn, how rapidly old age comes upon us! White hairs, lean cheeks, withered muscles, feeble steps, and that dull, dead feeling about the heart--that utter abandonment of cheer--which would be despair were it not for a certain blunted sensibility--a sort of drowsy indifference to all things that the day brings forth, which, as it takes from life the excitement of every passion, leaves it free from the sting of any. Yet, were not the tempest better than the calm? Who would not prefer to be driven before the treacherous hurricane of the blue gulf, than to linger midway on its shoreless waters, and behold their growing stagnation from day to day? The apathy of the passions is the most terrible form in which age makes its approaches.

With an earnest, sanguine temperament, such as mine, there is little danger of such apathy, The danger is not from lethargy but madness. I had escaped this danger. It was surprising, even to myself, how suddenly my spirits had arisen from the pressure that had kept them down. In a moment, as it were, that mocking troop
of fears and sorrows which environed me, took their departure. We have our gods and devils in our own hearts. The nature of the deities we worship depends upon our own. In a savage state, the Deity is savage, and expects bloody sacrifices; with the progress
of civilization his attributes incline to mercy. The advent of Jesus Christ indicated the advance of the Hebrews to a higher sense of the human nature. It was the advent of the popular principle, which has been advancing steadily ever since and keeping due pace with the progress of Christian education. The people were rising at the expense of the despotism which had kept them down.

I said to myself the kind of my heart is aging, the whistles and the balloons of another heartily wishes weakens my heart. I wonder what why I jubilate and people celebrate me as I journey closer to my grave. My youth is going, my boyhood is fading and rush of overflowing testosterone spines over my body is reducing(as I age I won't have the full strength to please my lady). Yet, people democracy(choose or vote) to be happy as this bitter of moving closer to time ender angel drops in my cup of joy.

I picked a head from ajala, I was favored a destiny, which was unrevealed to me but as I grow the mysterious revelations of what I had chosen unravel. Some I cried, some I laughed and some my being will still donate more tears to the earth and some my existence will spread a sweet sensation of smiles and happiness all over me. But in all there'll always be bitter in a cup of joy, just never let it turn all joy to bitter. Realize that the bitter in your cup of joy is to tell you that life is not worthwhile without the harmony of opposites. As time flies, so do we go up and down, the moral is never let a little moment of sadness overrule a large sum of joy. As we move closer to our graves each day, let us appreciate the essence of our lives.


Happy new month.

What you believe

What others think of us is important (as contrary to the view I held) because we derive a large part of our self-image from them, especially when we are young. That includes what out parents think, what our peers think, and what our teachers think. We can even internalize what those who have never met us think (those who never met us but speak a whole new truth(note the sarcasm) about us).

If you hear something often enough, you might begin to believe it. Once you believe it, you react to live out of your belief system. If others tell you often enough and effectively enough that you cannot lead, you are likely to believe you cannot be a leader. I had an incidence with a lady I dated who constantly complained that I had pride in me, in my quest to prove her wrong I just ignore her and say foul words to her, thereby proving her point that I'm proud. You see through your beliefs, not through your eyes. Philosophy is more powerful than sight because by your philosophy you interpret what you see with your eyes.

You can resist self-limiting philosophy with spiritual and psychological ''re-conditioning'' and your parents, your church or mentors can help you develop a strong self-awareness that inoculates you from what the world thinks. Thanks to a host of few friends who told me not to always feel inferior and stood by me in gaining some testosterone.....and to my godmother who smacks me anytime I ''little'' my abilities and belief in myself. Bible as a reference said ''let God be true and every man a liar'' (romans 3:4). So what men say about us is a lie, only God is the truth speaker.

Whenever ''they'' (awon ota : enemies) say ''you can't make it'', they are lying. The old folks say flat out, ''the devil is a liar''. The only person you should believe is God. You can what God established for you. Anything less is a lie. If car manufacturer built a car to drive at speeds up to 110miles an hour, it can. If God specifies that you can lead, you can and you should. If God ''particulars'' a certain greatness for you, you will and you should. There are two aspects of achieving greatness; 1. God's will for you to be great and 2. You will, push and desire to fulfill God's plan(s) for you.

I'm not concerned with what degree you hold, how much training you've been to or even how many followers you have gained. I'm keenly interested in what you believe about yourself, other people and the world. Some of these great achievers are college drop-outs and just high school leavers. I'm not saying you should drop out or not get atleast two degrees but you should believe in your power to (i.e YOU CAN).

Philosophy is probably the most powerful force in the world. Philosophy begins with thoughts or ideas and ideas control the world. The power of an idea is that it can create reality. Everything begins with an idea (wonder).

Perhaps you are sitting on a chair right now, that chair used to be someone's idea. I'm presently eating eba as I'm writing this piece today, that eba was someone's idea. The phone I'm using to type now is someone's idea. These were ideas or concepts that became reality.

To have effect, ideas must be communicated from the mind of one person to the minds of others. It is words whether written or spoken that transmit those ideas.

If I have certain ideas in my head, I can transmit those ideas to yo through words on the pages of my blog. Everything that has ever been made began in this ''word''. The greek term translated here as word in english actually reflects a more complex concept than we might first think. The greek word is logos, which literally means ''something said(including the thought)'' or a ''a word (as embodying an idea)''.

Everything even our physical world began with the expression of an idea. This is a principle that applies to all aspects of our lives, including achieving greatness.

The Tear Rubber and Tokunbo Phenomenon

These days it is very difficult to see tear rubber. As a typical Naija guy or lady, you'd know what a tear rubber is. But for the uncouth ajebutter , tear rubber is when you get an object new and it's covered with nylon or any sort of covering. If you get anything as tear rubber, evidently you will be the one to tear the rubber and start using it. So in more of the realistic sense, tear rubber is more of a new thing and you are the sole confirmation of the authenticity of the status of it's newness.

To every one side, there's an other side. Do you relate? To every word, there's surely an opposite of it or a relatively close word that antagonizes it. In this locus, what the opposite of Tear rubber is, is Tokunbo. We all know tokunbo now..... Anyways it's what we profoundly and proudly call fairly used. In that sense it must have been used by a former procurer or series of owner.

This is more of a metaphorical inclination of my nirvana (Buddhism heaven) .

These two adjectives are more controversial in the business world, as some find ultimate accomplishment in getting a tear rubber because they want to be able flaunt it that they used it first. And some go for Tokunbo as they believe it has been used before and has faced the realities of the road.

But despite the subjectivity in choice, people still go around to criticize one another. Those who go for tear rubber see the tokunbo lovers as people who love cheap things. On the other hand tokunbo lovers see the tear rubber buyers as people who take the ''newness'' of an object to a whole new level, because they have the notion that whether new or old, you are using thesame object and they don't care about the effectiveness.

Now lemme break it down. Tear rubber = Virgins , Tokunbo = non virgins.

One of the most interesting quandaries to ever surface from the dating pool is whether or not dating a virgin is still a man's preference. In a world where sexual promiscuity is rampant and the practicing of abstinence has all but died out, just about everyone is having sex — so much so that deciding between virgins and non-virgins almost seems useless.

Ladies whether you are a virgin or not, never respect a man who ask you whether you are a virgin or not unless he's a pastor and as a pastor you should understand people have their past(s). The problemtation (thanks to DR Idowu Williams) of the Tear rubber and Tokunbo phenomenon emanated mostly from the lustrous desires of men (a debate for another day).

The problem with most men is that they want to have their cake and eat it to. They want to sleep with as many women as they like, yet frown on women who do the same.
And therein lies the problem: Guys find women for one-night stands, but they're extremely reluctant to settle down with women whose sexual history is just as colorful as their own.

So how is one supposed to find a virgin when "holding out" is considered passé, and women are pressured to put out?

We should put aside whether a girl is a tear rubber or tokunbo, what should be the first skin of our thoughts is to love a lady in rain and sunshine(Tho' some ladies level of promiscuity is un-withstand-able) . Some girls just like cars could be tear rubber got their own mechanical fault deep inside of them due to rustiness and the rationale that since they are virgins, they are pure and different. I'm not saying going for a virgin is bad, infact girls who keep their seal should be applauded because where in a century where hymen intactness is degrading.
But while do you have to discourage people who wants to go for a tokunbo when you know you won't go for them? Have you ever heard of redemption of glory? A glory can be restored..... Not that a virginity can get back to you thigh opening but there can be a sense of feeling a whole again, it's a thing of the mind.

I know that this is the 21st century, and most people nowadays are very accepting of their partners not being virgins, but I also know some guys who prefer that their gf's be virgins because they don't like the idea that she's been touched by other guys in her previous relationships.

I've discussed this matter with 2 of my guy friends and received 2 different opinions in response.


Guy 1: "I don't care whether or not she's a virgin. In fact, I prefer that she isn't a virgin because she'd have more experience, thus better sex. I don't mind that she's slept with guys before, as long as their relationship was serious, and she wasn't just screwing any random guy."

This is a guy who understands both sides. He's aware that if guys are to be judged on a level of virginity (pennisginity), only a 3percent of adult will make it. And like I said a tokunbo has faced the realities of the road, and will be extra careful in tolling that road again.


Guy 2: "Call me selfish, but I would rather date a virgin. Let me just ask you this: Would you rather buy a used car, or a new car? Honestly, I think most guys would prefer to date a girl who's never been touched before. As for experience, well, there's always a first time for everybody, and the virgin girl can always learn.

I don't what to say about this guy, as I do not belong to this school of thought. But he's got he's reasons well stated.

What i opined is that choosing who to date whether based on judging whether she's a virgin or not, should be a thing of self. You should know what you want and don't use what you want to influence what other people want. Getting a tear rubber or tokunbo is a matter of fate. No matter how much u scrutinize before dating if you are not destined to date a virgin, you won't get one.

Do not discriminate! You don't know what the tokunbo have been through. Go for your choice, let other go for what they want without interference.

Tear rubber or tokunbo, ki oluwa maa so wa ni (may the lord guide us).

Alter Ego: Redefining Alcoholism-Wole Salami

Just giving an intro to this piece because of my respect for this guy in writing and drinking, also because of the cravings of certain readers for his work. You can follow him on twitter @woletino and contact me if you wanna get to him directly. Enjoy! - Gbotemi Falade


Relief in the bottom of a drink, is an over use cliché that all sober people would gleefully point to my alcohol-soaked brain to be only a product of culturally correct though morally and from a prejudiced point of view a no do good er. Yes I am alcoholic and proud of it! Mind you, by alcoholic I do not mean the image perpetuated by African magic of a wasted middle class man having problem both in his marriage and professional career and as such finding relief in the bottom of a bottle while also inadvertently ending up in the gully on his way home.
I seek to redefine what an alcoholic is by using my not so perfect life as a paradigm of a new wave of alcoholism that is premise on intellectual freedom only which alcohol would help release. Many of you would quite remember some of our childhood super heroes who possess super powers but not until they have adorn themselves with one prop or the other. So, for example we would see Green lantern becoming a hero through his ring, Batman in his custom made suit becomes a relentless and formidable opponent, Thor and his hammer, Ironman and his million dollar robo-tecno suit and of course Leo Messi with his addidas boots(apologies to all madristas). The point that I am trying to make is that it's high time that Professor Xavier school of the gifted enrol my kind of superhero. Yea, I said it, am a superhero. If you doubt the previous statement then allow me to dispel your scepticism (takes a swig from the bottle). First of all (go down low) being a hero implies engaging in heroic deeds. Heroic deeds therefore constitute those deeds that are bourne out of altruistic motive while also sacrificing one's being if necessary to stop the proliferation of evil(whatever that is). Your question is thus; how does drinking from a bottle of wine constitute as an act of heroism? If anything it should be a criminal offence and punished with the harshest severity of the law! Well my answer is quite simple, enforcing a rigid no alcohol ban in the world would rob mankind off his humanity. Whether you are a creationist or a big bang theorist you would agree with me that there is encoded in man some mystries(be it the soul or the unconcious mind depending on your choice of words)which alcohol helps bring to the fore.
My purpose is not to turn you all to alcoholics but to correct your bias and misconception that all alcoholics are the same. As a matter of fact, any bar would prove to you the diversity and uniqueness of each drinker. So you can have the brooding drinker who never says much but concentrate on not spilling his drink, there is also the talkative who creates discussion from the passing of a housefly, we also have the ridiculously funny drinker who, has a dozen of jokes and outlandish stories that would even crack up a humourless person, there is the boasting drinker who has performed innumerable feats such as outfoxing the devil and getting away unscathed, we also have sexual innuendo talking drinker who has had multiple sexcapdes with phantom females while also turning every innocent discussion into sexual one, there is also the political aware drinker, who somehow has detailed information on the inner lives of our political leaders while also giving political explanation and implications to your choice of drink, there is also the lamenting drinker whose personal woes and tragedies are curiously peculiar to him alone never mind that virtually all mankind have similar stories, there is the occasional female that is curiously the spokesperson for her gender simply because she possess mammaries like billions of females, the sagacious drinker who churns out aphorisms in between sips from his cup, there is of course my kind of drinker who is characterize with a multiple personality and thus can be both the boasting drinker and sagacious drinker depending on the gathering and the occasion, the list you can imagine is endless. All these characters are proof that all drinkers are not the same and that your frequent visits to the bar is an opportunity to educate your self with the complex and diverse human traits while also unleashing a core that you are hithertofore unaware you possess.

What I find therefore heroic about drinking alcohol is that only the noblest of man can devotes his life to an ecumenical understanding of man particularly by visiting several human laboratories(beer parlour) where a hidden part of man is readily revealed with the aid of alcohol.

Leave The Nest

t's not the best start to a day that I want but I'm gonna leave how bad it is and try to use that to talk to you guys or post something on here (whether with pageviews or not).

If you’re lucky enough to be one of those “kids” who has a great relationship with his/her parents, lives at home and you are satisfied with the meagre everyday 1k or monthly allowance, then you definitely have a life!(which in my own case is a low life).

However, for most of us, being an adult and living at home doesn’t always make for an ideal living situation. Sure, there are situations where living at home with mom and dad is beneficial, even necessary. But if you’re over 25 years old (but I'm not 25, just a couple far from it) and still sleeping in a twin size bed, I'm wondering what you’re doing with your life, it’s time to raise up out of your parents’ house and find your own spot(with or without a job).

One of the following short listed reasons must be particular to you and if it is then you understand what I, you and other youths are going through.

NO ROOM FOR STUFFS AFTER UNIVERSITY

Not only is it difficult to find space for you and your friends to hang out(in my own case there's children living room but not enough for grown adult like me), you may not also have room for your personal things, especially if you’re sharing a room with someone (I'm not, thank God. *smiles*). After 4 years of UNI, I managed to accumulate things and none of it fit into my room at home when I moved back home. I can't place my precious Arsenal wallpapers on the wall because it's again CAC tenets(my church of life). They also may not want you to clutter their home with your things and use it for storage so you’re limited to buying what fits in the confines of the four walls of your bedroom. If you find yourself longing for a new bedroom set, or a huge flat screen TV, then you should find your own apartment to put it in.

NO PRIVACY

If you suffer from the reason above, it is safe to say you probably have no room for privacy either. If you start dating someone, bringing them back to your “room” for some action probably isn’t so hot – not with mom and dad roaming around the house freely. So sex is pretty much out of the question unless you get busy at a hotel or the back seat of your car or even go to an uncle's place. You can’t even have a conversation on the phone without your younger sisters ear hustling (eavesdropping) and you basically feel trapped because there’s nowhere to go to have a little “me” time. If this is you and whether you have a decent job or not, save up and move out asap.

RULES

Depending on how old-school your folks are, living at home means following their rules (tunde 'laleye will understand better, gbenga should too). Whether this means coming in at a certain hour to check your room, not being able to stay out over-night, doing chores (washing cars especially, that's the motivation for this post) or anything else your parents require you to do while living under their roof, if their rules don’t sit well with you, then you can get a teaching job( because of limited opportunities in iseyin) and if in cities you can get a temporary job so that you can move out and save your sanity. After all, it is their house and if you’re not paying rent or u didn't build it, you really can’t tell them “no,” can you? Well, maybe you can, but they’d probably tell you you are grown behind to move out and pay your own rent and follow your own rules. Can’t say that I blame them.

I'M A SLOB.

Speaking of chores, if you’re a slob like I am, then living at home with you is probably a nightmare. While I’d hope that one would be clean and neat even while living on his own, you don’t HAVE to wash dishes in your own place if you don’t want to. When you live alone, you don’t have to do laundry for a month if you don’t feel like it, and you can leave your clothes all over the place and no one can say boo(shout at you) about it. Again, I’m not saying being a slob is cute, but if you’re tired of your mom nagging you to pick up your trousers or to move your shoes out of her way, then get your own place and be lazy and sloppy to your heart’s content. Just make sure to clean up before girlfie comes over.

YOUR POTENTIAL
I'm not saying you can't fulfill your potentials by living under your parents but there are a lot of stuff you can't do, a lot of dreams you can't realize. There are career you want to chase but you are under them and they are not supporting. It's time to move out. Even you might end up not actualizing the potentiality of marriage. As a guy, no lady is going to respect a man who is staying with parents. Why not leave the nest and fly so high in freedom?


And people say it's our culture to stay with your
folks till you marry. We are in the 21st century, there are no more tribalistic cultures but a global culture. And the global culture is you are free to stay on your own once you are 18. Sometimes Some people stay at home longer than they want to because their parents expect them to stay there – either to keep them company or until they get married. Maybe this is something parents expect more from their daughters than their sons.
If you have a younger sibling who requires a babysitter, consider yourself that babysitter. Your parents will expect you to watch him or her – for free – and without complaint, which could dampen your plans on a Friday night. If you live at home, you’re the live-in nanny. It's not bad to babysit, I can do it all year long but it must come with pay or some sort of compensation. If only I have a brother with a baby or an uncle or aunt to babysit for....... It'd make more sense to stay with them for three months then get enough pay when leaving. That's why I envy Gbenga,Deji and Amanda (awon babysitters of eternity).

So instead of nagging about what you are facing while leaving under your parents; work hard, get a job or get jobs, save up and move out before you see what they do to you as insults and save your sanity.
Stopping here, gotta go cash for him at the bank.... one I must do since I'm not an owner of an apartment. LEAVE THE NEST!!

GOOGLE, your Friend or Foe?

The other day I was chilling with my friends at the bar when an idea just popped into my head like the bottle of cold Star waiting to unleash its glorious "highness" on my sombre self. Yeah you could say this here is one other rambling on of a depraved hedonist(your choice of adjective is your prerogative just as is my lifestyle)but you never know what this "fool" here might contribute to the task of enriching the human knowledge base.
Back to the matter(in wizkid's voice) the idea was that I owe my existence at least my adolescent one to the invention of a modern day oracle popularly known as GOOGLE. The inventors of this "ginomous" oracle deserve a place in the pantheons of gods for the simple reason that they have help with their invention to settle scores amicably- the number of duels have drastically reduce since the invention of Google (this piece is for you if you believe the above). I mean, guys you will all agree with me that their as been one time when you find yourself arguing with folks who only voiceferously air their ignorance about the round leather sport - football and to your horror you see how you(the enlightened one) is erroneously painted as the king of all ignoranmus. The knight to usurp you from the blighted throne of ignorance can only come in the form of GOOGLE! You gleefully wave your phone at those bunch of ignoranmuses and just like Archimedes you scream Eureka! Eureka! Telling all and sundry in your hoarse voice and sweat soaked shirt how you have been right all along and(now the insults can rain down freely)how this back of television watchers had the temerity to disagree with you! I know all you ladies be like what do this guys see in a football match? I mean how can you pack yourself full in a stuffy make shift shop and exclaim sighs and groans mixed with a sarcastic or snide remark at the supporters of an opposing team? Guess the answer to that is Love. The last word of that previous sentence readily provides me with an example of how you ladies (mis)use the search engine - Google. How many of you ladies remember searching for: "how to know when your man loves you" or "10 signs that he is cheating on you". Don't get me wrong ain't nothing wrong with you finding out from (psuedo) love doctors as to why Francis buys you #200 worth of suya instead of the usual #500 worth. It might just be that he is broke and not the #5 sign on the list of signs to know that he is cheating on you.(Note the sarcasm)

We all have at one point or the order have GOOGLE to thank for an assignment that seems to be intruding on more pressing matters in our campus life(you sabi dem now). This brings me to the crux of the matter; Google, Friend or foe? I want you to decide for yourself by asking: "am I more enlightened than the 18th century man living in the hinterland because of my access to GOOGLE?" "My reliance on the search engine is it essentially different from the natives reliance on the gods saying?" Your answer(s) if you have any are welcome but I will only read them when am sober.





DISCLAIMER: The above is simply reflections of an highly inebriated person any individual or group that feels slighted by it should blame the liquor store not before remembering that my constant drinking is helping put food on the table for the factory worker's family.

Social Media, Making Friends and the False Intimacy

It’s not an illusion. We really are doing more with each 24 hours, as technology enables (or forces) us to interact and intersect, do and consume with unprecedented volume and vigor. We live our lives at breakneck speed because we can, because we feel we have to keep up, and because every macro and micro breeze blows in that direction.

I remember the days before social media when I would get 20 phone calls per day and probably go on midnight calls for the 'tolus' in my life, and felt exhausted by the pace of communication. Now we’ve traded the telephone for other connection points (I only get 2-3 calls per week, I don't even call anyone tho'), but the overall number of people calling and sending me texts faded away with no explanation like Elijah did.

Now the number of “inboxes” we possess is staggering: Email (3 accounts for me), public Twitter, Twitter DM, public Facebook, Facebook messages, Facebook chat, Linkedin messages, public Google +, Google + messages, blog comments, Skype, text messages, Instagram, phone, voice mail, and several topically or geographically specific forums, groups and social networks. That’s a lot of relationship bait in the water.

THE LIE OF OPPORTUNITY

How do we justify this? How do we convince ourselves that slicing our attention so thin the turkey becomes translucent is a good idea?

We do it because we believe that more relationships provides more opportunity. I attended a social Media
Week once, chaired by Omojuwa and other bloggers in Nigeria and I heard sentences like these more often:

“It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.”

“Social media makes a big world smaller.”

“Linkedin is for people you know, Facebook is for people you used to know, Twitter is for people you want to know.”

All of these chestnuts are passed around like a flu strain because they make intuitive sense. But common, among them is the underlying premise that interacting with more people is inherently better than interacting with fewer people. I have always believed this to be true, and in fact have delivered the lines above while talking to friends and sometimes on my blog. But today, I’m no longer convinced.

Instead I wonder, what if we have it ALL wrong?

YOU DON'T KNOW

In addition to despair and shock and surprise, what I felt most about the death of a facebook friend was confusion. I found myself saying over and over “Geez, you think you know someone…” I had a similar reaction when I read about a Gary Speed's suicide a couple years ago and very few people saw it coming.

The reality is, we don’t KNOW hardly anyone.

You interact with someone quite a bit online, and you think you already figured out everything about them. You think they are one of a kind, most interesting, generous people you'd ever know.
You consider them a friend. I suspect social media created an avenue where you see everyone online, you monitor their tweets, their status (facebook,2go,whatsapp etc), PMs, DPs and then you assume you know them. It's a face behind the system, the mobile phone and most times what we type is not who we really are. Those stuffs people do online are just to make some feel among in these world that's on a tour of moral decadence . Some do stuffs online just to get attention, I know quite a number of people who only twit about sex but are virgins or circumstantially non-virgins. What we should know is social media creates a false intimacy, making you feel you know someone and you feel unnecessarily attached. Even in reality, you move closer to some people, share everything with them and still you don't know them or know who they are because you don't know what they are thinking and you are not the one thinking their thoughts.



Kenny Thomas is one of my closest buddy in social media, but she’s never been to my home. Tinaspice and I share a lot of views on Eba and Okoro soup but we've never had some in a plate to eat together. And lots more. Imagine that retweet from that big star or celeb and you think you are sort close and have the feeling of intimacy.

I consider these people (and many, many others) to be friends, and I’m thankful that social media has brought them into my life. But in comparison to my pre-social media friends (many of whom I’ve known for 10+ years), I know almost nothing about them.

Is that what we want – spending considerable time building large networks of shallow connections, potentially at the expense of deepening a few cherished friendships upon which we can truly rely?

I recognize this is not purely an either/or scenario, and relationships that began with a Twitter exchange or series of blog comments can flourish into treasured real-world ties.

But those situations where we “meet” someone through social media, have the opportunity to interact in real life, and then develop a relationship that creates true friendship are few and far between. And as social media gets bigger and more pervasive, this chasm becomes even more difficult to cross. As my own networks in social media have gotten larger, I’ve ended up talking about my personal life less, because a large percentage of that group don’t know me, or my GF, or my sisters, or my town, or my interests. I don’t want to bore people with the inanities of the everyday. (Facebook is the one exception, as I’ve always kept my personal account relatively small).

To some degree, I think this explains the popularity of Google + among people with very large followings on Twitter and/or Facebook. Google + provides a chance for a do-over, to create a new group of connections that are more carefully cultivated.

But that’s just medicating the symptoms, not curing the disease. Fundamentally, technology and our use of it isn’t – as we’ve all hoped – bringing us closer together. In fact, it may be driving us farther apart, as we know more and more people, but know less and less about each of them.

 

MAKING FRIENDS OUT OF CONNECTIONS

Maybe we should be focused less on making a lot of connections, and focused more on making a few real friends? I’m going to try to work on this, to identify people with whom I want to develop real friendships, and make a concerted effort to do so, even if it means answering fewer tweets and blog comments from a much larger group of casual connections.

We have to take at least some of these social media spawned relationships to the next level, otherwise what’s the point beyond generating clicks and newsletter subscribers?

You think you know someone, but you don’t. And that’s social media’s fault. But more so, our own.

KONJIFICATION

The following story is dedicated to all those who have ever woken up from a dream and wish they had dream a little further!



With swift deft hands he slowly draws imaginary pattern on her tummy, his lips were darting at her ear lobe. She could already feel her "kundalini" rising up to the magical ministration of his enchantment. He stops abruptly and sat at the edge of the bed with his shoulder and head downcast while he place his face in his hands. She sat up also and envelope him in a warm embrace from behind as her ripe and ample bosom where crushed to his rippling shoulders. Softly she said "I want you far more than you can imagine" those words where said with the same urgency as Kate Winslet in the famous car scene on Titanic. As if to prove the truth of her words she immediately began to massage his shoulders with her size 36 DD melon. She was making oscillatory movement with her mammaries while her hands reached for his broad chest and begin to fleetingly caress him. His skin was taut while her hands was soft like that of a professional masseuse. Her breath was coming in short breath as she was drinking in the wonderful sensation of exploring a virile young male flesh. Her hands briefly touched his phallus while a soft gasp escaped her mouth before she could control it.
Scenes of how they met was flashing through her mind. She remember meeting the young man at a drug store unabashedly requesting for latex condom from the female attendant while also giving her a slow deliberate look over. His eyes where searing into her flesh. All of a sudden she started to feel naked under his penetrating look. His gaze lingered on her mammaries enough to make her nipples to begin to get erect under her tank top. His eyes caught hers and seems to be saying "I know that I am having an effect on you". He cleared his throat and said in a soft timbre voice reminiscence of Vin Diesel "you must be new in this neighborhood? Suddenly her vocal cords blurted out "let me guess, you are the Cassanova around here."

His tongue slowly nibbling at her nipples violently but sweetly "ported" her back to the room and the numbing pleasure that he was ministering on her boobies. His tongue was sucking,nibbling and biting gently alternatively at both nipples. Her pudenda was flowing hot pre -cum like Ikogosi warm spring in Ekiti.

Abruptly he stopped his slow wonderful torture and began to tear off his clothe(the last protector of chastity). A sudden burst of urgency came over him to conquer and satiate his animalistic tendency using her "jade's gate" as a transport. As he was about to do so, he woke up to the disappointment that it was only a dream. His disappointment was as turgid as his erect third leg.

Path not taking- 'Niyi Ademoroti

(Please note that the above title is not a "gbagaun". "Taking" here, refers to the future, not the usual "Taken" for the past. Thanks.)

I have absolutely no idea where I'm going with this piece, I'll just keep going regardless, just keep on.
I'm in a bus at Oshodi, on my way home from "work", listening to White Lies' Big TV (album) after a quite "revealing" day.
Work was just as it always is, very… uneventful. Jumoke says I have the dream job, getting paid what a normal intern wouldn't earn, all for just tweeting and Facebook-ing. The problem? I don't quite feel like I'm in a dream. I am not happy. Why am I not happy?

I'm a social media intern (trust me, it is not half as glamorous as it sounds) at a lovely estate firm, where I have what I (thought I) always wanted - cool bosses and very nice co-workers -. I can remember telling a friend on my way to the interview, that I could never work there because of the distance from my house. I can remember when I walked in and saw the bosses about to interview me, I just knew I was going to take the job (because I was certain they would offer one ^_^); they seemed so cool compared to the bloody tight-asses I had my 3-months Industrial Placement with.
Now I sit in front of a laptop, 8am to 5pm, composing tweets and wall posts. Very easy. Very… unfulfilling.
Most of my classmates and friends will probably think I'm crazy, but, I hate my job. God, I hope my bosses do not see that.

Yes, I have the dream job, problem is, it's not my dream. Lekan has my dream job. Kind of. Not really. Well, Lekan is a friend who works at a very reputable publishing house (kind of sha), he is like the Knight over there. He works endlessly. Stays up late at night preparing proposals (he just explained to me what a proposal comprises of ^_^). He attends meetings, pitches in ideas, attends un-meetings (whatever that is). He's awesome and he has an awesome job. He's also about to get a screenwriting job for a very popular African series, yes, African.

I'm not saying I want Lekan's job, nor do I expect to be given such respect/responsibility accorded to him, he has been doing what he does for tons of years, I only just started writing very recently, and I'm not even nearly as good. I do not expect my opinions to matter considering the job experience I have is the 3 weeks (2 and a half weeks actually) I spent at my bloody - yes, I use that word again - 3 months Industrial Placement. I do not expect to be accorded that much responsibility, considering I'm basically just starting out the "office-life". (I just farted in this bus ^_^).

I'm not sure what I want, I just know what I do not want. I do not want a job that is not even nearly challenging. I do not want a job where I have to meet a target every month; I hate marketing. I do not want a job where I have to trek (or bike or drive around) the streets of Lagos every week. All these automatically rule out any future endeavour in real estate, considering it practically fuses up these three and shoves it in your barely-trained face.
I want a desk job. Not just any desk job (since that's what I have now, anyway). I want a job that will make me worry if I can actually do what they want me to. A desk job where I always have to think. A job that widens my horizon, that the biggest decision I have to take is not what property I'll have to pick as the Property of the Week on Facebook.
I want a job where I get to have meetings, chip in valuable ideas, write. I want a job where I actually have something to do. Even if I'm not doing what I want, I don't want to do something I don't want. I. Can. Never. Go. Into. Marketing. NEVER! I will NOT go out everyday looking for silly properties. Not for money. Not for grades. I would rather forge my Logbook. I would rather stay and suck off my father. NEVER.

I will probably have to suck it up here, and continue to tweet and Facebook for the next six months. It's better than having to do nothing, or going out to source for properties. But, I will keep on leaving my office at 5pm, very unfulfilled. Very unhappy.

I am @Niyi__ on twitter. Big thanks to @Uberchocmeista.

Let Them Go by Gbenga Oderinwale

For the past 6/7 sundays now, Pastor Tunde Bakare of Latter Rain Assembly Ogba-Lagos, has been talking about the inevitability of separation (Well... That's the church I attend whenever I'm in Lagos). That is, on your way of becoming what you are destined to be, some people will separate from you, whether you like it or not. Most times these separations can be hard to take but it must happen wanted or not. Well, the separation I'm talking about is not because the person changed location or something, I mean people walking out of your life (you get? Ok). Many of us have experienced a form of separation or the other, either from close friends, relatives, lovers or business partners etc, which we often find difficult to let them go. Well, what I learnt from the sermons of Pastor B (Pastor Tunde Bakare) is to let them go.
When people walk out of your life, they left because your destiny is not tied to theirs and they are done playing their own part, meaning you will better off without them. Don't make the mistake of trying to beg or convince them to stay, this may mar your destiny. You might beg them all you want and even if they stay they won't stay for your own well being. A typical example of separation can be found in Gen 13:1-18. Lot had requested for separation from Abraham, Abraham simply let Lot go and it was after letting him go that God blessed Abraham and his descendants. (Gen 13:14-18)
The second lesson I learnt is; when people walk out of your life, do not let your anger, fear, emotions push away those around you. There's a Yoruba saying that "No matter how bad a person is, there will be people around him" thus do not push away these people who are still with you because you are angry at what the other person did and then you get to generalise that every person could also leave you, this will be wrong for Yoruba people also say "if we close our eyes for the evil one to pass, the good one will pass and we won't know".
My conclusion is that, when people separate from us, we shouldn't be bitter/angry and become pessimistic about others around us, rather we should let those who left go and move on with our lives with the people around us and focus on things that lie ahead of us. So I'm saying to you LET THEM GO!

Mistakes as Learning Experiences

If there’s one thing that unites us all, it’s that we all suffer. We all triumph. We face obstacles in our lives and encounter things that throw us off our course and challenge our inner strength. That’s life, with the lesson often seen in retrospect. Without the difficult times, there would be no great times. Everything would just seem flat and uneventful, plain and boring.

There would be no impactful change without struggle. The beauty of life is overcoming what we think we cannot. Our self-esteem grows and we find strength in ourselves that we never knew existed.

This very point had me thinking about various struggles that I’ve been through in my life. I remember focusing mostly on the negative aspects of the situation. How badly I felt, how crappy the situation was, and how much I didn’t think things would ever change. Blah, blah, blah. It’s a vicious cycle.

But what if we focus on how our struggles change us and our lives for the better?

Would it be possible to improve negative situations, if we thought about how we might benefit from them?

When I was unhappy with myself, all I could think about was how much I screwed up my life. So many days I would curse myself for making some silly mistakes in life. Any all these negative situations and laments is just creating in me more negativity like sorrow, anger (if you truly know me, you'd see that a lot on my BBM PMs). But a fine young lady told me, "why not concentrate on what you could benefit from the negative than just lamenting about how bad it is? If I were u, I won't let people know what's going on in ma life at all".

That’s when I realized that I could rot in my own negativity or I could see things in a different light. Instead of cursing myself and “mistakes” , I’d rather call them “learning experiences”. I took time to appreciate God, family, friends and myself more because I have life to still make things right, I have God who is there for me and I have wonderful family and friends who's got me.

Most surprisingly of all, I now see struggles in a new light. Instead of cursing an uncomfortable time, I see it as a message to change. Whether I listen or not is up to me.

So as we start this week, let's concentrate on the lessons or positives we can derive from every negative circumstance. Take every negative situation as life teaching us a lesson. And no matter what you face this week, do not forget to wear your pretty smile and worry not about negative but the positive you should make out of it.

Have a blessed week guys.

Wasted Years

It is hard to let go and this story is not different from other stories of holding on to an EX thinking one day he/she is gonna come back to you.

Leye and Bola started dating when Bola was admitted into the same school as Leye. Leye was in 200L at this moment and the gap between them was appropriate. Leye loved Bola very much, at every opportunity he shows this love. Bola, well..... likes Leye (Shit! This is just wrong, she doesn't love him?). Often Leye complains about Bola's attitude and idea of not reciprocating his gestures. This was an issue that hanged over their relationship. And most times Leye's friends will tell him how cute they were but they never knew they had issues of her not loving back. Or what is the essence of loving a spouse without him/her loving you back? Despite Bola's various short comings Leye never stopped loving her, never wanted to leave her. But on a val's day which left an indelible mark in Leye's love life, bola dropped the bombshell. After a wonderful night out, Bola told Leye of her intention to end their 15 months relationship (cruel innit?). Saying she doesn't feel he's 'the one' (WTF is the one :/). Leye was absolutely devastated :'( cried himself to sleep like a baby that night.

*fasts forward to years later*

Leye and Bola got talking again, became kind of close :D (friend zone?). Between, Leye had been in 2 different relationships and just got out of the 2nd relationship, just because he was still in love with Bola while in those relationships. While Bola had remained single ever since waiting for 'the one' =)). In one of their talks (BBM chat). Bola told Leye that she still has feelings for him, which she has been trying not to admit. While discussing one thing led to another and they agreed to see the possibility of dating again. Leye was in Abuja where he's serving and Bola was still school in her final year. Bola told Leye if he wanted her he should come see her in school. Leye had plan to go see her when the opportunity comes. After a month Leye pinged Bola with the intention of informing her of his coming that weekend. They were gisting about 'friendzone' after a recent campaign of a mutual friend. (you know normal random gist before saying want you want say). And then Bola told him that he is actually in her friend zone :O. Leye then reminded her of her utterances that if he loves and wants her he should come see her in school (like prince charming going to rescue princess Fiona from her ivory tower). Bola was like 'what if I say I'm not saying that again nko, Talomamumisi, emi ni mo ni adegun mo de ni adeogun mo'. And after years of waiting for her to come back to him, she broke his heart again. Leye wasted 15months with her and another two years waiting for her to come back into his arms.

*clears throat* babes wicked sha. Leye had thot that he's love was back to him, but it was not to be. Leye's love for Bola changed to hate, contempt to a point that she disgust him.

This is why sometimes hanging on to that EX you are still in love with is not good. Let them go, if you were special and they really loved you then they won't let go. There's a limit of how close you can get with your ex, because feelings you had then can resurface.

All I can say for those in a similar situation, is to be strong, always maintain your dignity and integrity, and remain hopeful that everything will be okay. Don't let people play with your emotions. No need put by ebenezer olufioye, just leave am like that, no put by anybody.

The Strength of Living

So, I and dad had a time-out and I saw a poster which states that :

"Is what you're living for worth dying for?"

As he (dad) was driving past the said sign, it occurred to me how strongly that question clashes with my personal beliefs. It's pretty easy to die for something. For all the praise a man would rightfully receive for jumping in front of a bus to save a stranger, I don't think that split-second decision would be a difficult one for a man to make. Who wouldn't go out as a hero, given the chance?

I mean, the average person devalues him or herself. On a personal level, people dislike themselves more intensely and deeply than they've ever held such feelings for another human being. Oh, sure, there are moments when they feel good about themselves, but those moments are fleeting and relatively rare. In almost all cases, those moments are brought on by praise from another person; people don't naturally feel good about themselves.

I'd go so far as to say people hope for a chance at that one, final, shining act of selflessness. They want to lay themselves down and finally leave the agonizing, day-to-day monotony of their miserable lives behind them - just as soon as they've done something worthy of earning their rest. So, yeah, it's easy to die for something, given the chance. There are a lot of things people consider to be worth dying for.

It's living for something that takes strength. People go to work every day just to earn money to feed their families, and then they come home to distract themselves with the things they've bought to offset the meaninglessness of it. That's it. Over, and over, and over again.

Get up, eat breakfast, commute, work, eat lunch, work, commute, eat dinner, distractions, sleep.

Get up, eat breakfast, commute, work, eat lunch, work, commute, eat dinner, distractions, sleep.

Get up, eat breakfast, commute, work, eat lunch, work, commute, eat dinner, distractions, sleep.

There's nothing to strive for. No sense of purpose. So what is it that they're living for? Why do they keep putting one foot in front of the other, when they can't even see if they're making any progress? When they don't even know what they're working toward?

People are living for hope, love, or both. They live for the tired smiles on their partners' faces when they finally step back through the front door. They live for the moment their children run up and wrap their arms around their legs, saying how much they missed them. They live for the chance that maybe, someday, they'll find adventure in the monotonous grind of their day-to-day lives, or find peace in the chaos of the other side of life. They live for the hope of something better, or the hope not to lose what they have. It sounds like a beautiful, simple truth, and it is, but people lose themselves in the poetic stuff and forget that it's still hard.

It takes strength to push through each stressful, tiring day, running only on the desire to find a better future. It takes strength to keep walking forward, your only drive being the love you hold for another, or the hope to one day be loved by another. It takes strength to live for love and hope, because you can't gain more of either; you can only try your best not to lose them.

It takes strength to wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, and ignore the scars and wrinkles; people do it without so much as a thought in complaint. It takes strength to forget the mistakes and obligations that weigh on your shoulders - just long enough to crack a smile. It takes unbelievable strength to laugh off the world's slights and move on with your life.

It is much, much harder to live for something than it is to die for something. Most people don't realize how strong they are; some don't even realize what it is they're putting all the effort toward. People bear the weight of the world on their shoulders every day, and they think themselves weak and worthless for it. They don't see that just standing up straight makes them strong. They don't see that just putting one foot in front of the other makes them valuable.

The answer to the question posed at the beginning of this piece, for every single person who reads it, is yes, whether they believe it or not.

If it wasn't, they wouldn't be reading it.

Masturbation and what you should know

Read on a friend's blog about a year ago about how good, healthy, fun-filled and psychological masturbation is. She writes erotic stuffs on her blog but they are good to educate people.
I had a heated argument with a friend before sleeping yesterday and we argued about masturbation. And I'm gonna state why after almost a year I agree with blaq (my friend with the erotic blog) that masturbation is oh ok.

With my sexual years of service I've seen people give names to masturbation just because they don't want the next person to decipher. During high school it was Spanking the monkey, choking the chicken during my Pre-degree days, teasing the trouser snake during undergraduate days, jacking off it is these days. But call it whatever you want, I'm sure we all did once, twice if not everyday. Because reliable studies consistently find that 95% of men and over 30% of women masturbate on a regular basis.

Gurls masturbate too. So I'm not just talking about guys. Atleast I know of some gurls using banana during high school and we all should be familiar with Dildo. But all these aside, is masturbating wrong??

Masturbation, defined by Anne Hooper, famous British sexologist (a sexologist is a scientist who studies sexual behavior – what a job, huh?), as “the stimulation of the genital organs to achieve sexual pleasure, most commonly with the hands and fingers.” She adds that masturbation is a “valuable method for sexual exploration and as a release for sexual frustrations.” If this can release you from sexual frustration and atleast save you from anyone disgracing you because of your urge for sex then this is oh ok enough.

Many psychologists say that masturbation is normal, and should be encouraged, if only for the possibility that they would engage in this behavior instead of actually having premarital sex with a partner and getting into another bunch of problems. This is true?? Yes. Wanking can reduce rate of premarital sex , rate of unwanted pregnancy and rate of rape. And it seems wanking is a solution to all this degrading factors of the society, so it's oh ok by me. And we should not forget that masturbation is having sex with yourself, so this can reduce contacting STDs.

Please I want you all to note that I'm saying masturbation is oh ok, I'm not saying it's good or bad. This is because the term 'good' is relative. So it's up to individuals to decide whether it is good or bad. But so many of us who cast those who masturbate also masturbates. If by any chance you do phone sex, you touch yourself (examining your boobs in some 'lustful' ways) then you do too.

And in the religion sense, I can say about christianity don't really know about other religions.
The Bible never explicitly mention masturbation or state whether or not masturbation is a sin. The Scripture most frequently pointed to in regards to masturbation is the story of Onan in Genesis 38:9-10. Some interpret this passage as saying that “spilling your seed” on the ground is a sin. However, that is not precisely what the passage is saying. God condemned Onan not for “spilling his seed” but because Onan refused to fulfill his duty to provide an heir for his brother. The passage is not about masturbation, but rather about fulfilling a family duty. A second passage sometimes used as evidence for masturbation’s being a sin is Matthew 5:27-30. Jesus speaks against having lustful thoughts and then says, “If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away.” While there are parallels between this passage and masturbation, it is unlikely that masturbation was what Jesus was alluding to. So don't judge anyone based on religion, that's between him/her and God.

And for pleasure purpose, I agree with blaq that you are the only person who can f**k yourself better. And to even love (have good sex with) other people, you have to love yourself better(f**k yourself better). You can click on the link here to chek my friend's view..... http://www.blaqcoffeetots.blogspot.com/2012/07/touching-yourself.html?m=1 .

I just wanna say never castigate people or cast someone because they masturbate. By judging them you are already making yourself a sinner because the scripture's direction is that we should not judge. Let the issue of masturbation be left between the doer and God. And also we should learn to quit pretense because most people who criticize also masturbate but to shameful to agree or say they do.

At the mention of HIV test...

This particular story may or may not reflect to some the importance of taking HIV test. But really, at the mention of HIV test, how do you feel? One of the moments people fear the most is when they go for HIV test or have to take HIV test because of some medical, social reasons.
I can boldly say that no matter how courageous you are, you will lose some 'pound' of courage/boldness. It is not just sex that I'm laying emphasis on. I know you all are knowledgeable and you'd know that you can contact the virus from other sources and these sources are closer to you or surrounds you more than sex (unsafe). That's why I think at the mention of HIV test, all courage must bow!

Lemme share with you my experience and a friend's case.

We had a medical week at church and on the last day we all had to take HIV test. I always make sure I avoid HIV test not just because I'm wayward but it's HIV you can never be too sure. Like seriously it's HIV you can get it from almost anything. But that day, I couldn't dodge it. My mum was one of the people in charge. I started sweating profusely after my blood sample was taken. But at the end it came out negative, I didn't pass (positive)..... Lol


Now to my friend's case. She pinged a late night just to share her story with me....


"I had a bit of health issues, it led to having series of surgery. Gbotemi, I go tell you one case wey you go know wetin happen to me.

I was admitted on a friday around 6am and was still on check till sunday before they decided to take me in for surgery on monday. The doctor came around and said they needed to carry out some tests, that they have to take some precaution. They had to examine my urine, blood. And she told me they have to carry out HIV test. Instantly, my heart skipped. She dropped a bomb. I started feeling high temperature, I had a feel I was growing goose pimples inside of me. She took the blood sample anyways and left.

My dad was with me but my mom and step mom were sent away. Because of panic, I urinated thrice in 15mins. And my dad was like kilo se e (what's wrong with you?). I told him nothing while I tried to hide my shaky voice. A nurse came to check my BP twice and it was rising on the two occasions. They didn't understand what was making my BP increase. They felt it was the fear of the surgery. To me I know say na HIV test dey kill me small small.

And after 2hours, I couldn't get the result. At this stage I started recounting the number of unprotected sex I've had, the unsterilized blades I used in the past, the blood I've been in contact with. I was already thinking about how to live with the stigma and probably flee from friends and family.

Finally, she came but didn't say anything. She dropped the case note on the table. She left to prepare for theatre. I couldn't wait , I peeped inside the file. And my cheeks lifted with the running smile from within, I sighed and the BP machine wey dey my hand come dey reduce. Then I said to myself, let's do this surgery".

As great as the fear of taking HIV test is, we should endeavour to take cautions. Make sure you protect yourself, don't have an unprotected sex unless he/she is your partner for life. Be faithful to your partner...... If you can't , then Abstain!
Also be careful of sharp objects and always use sterilized blades or new blades. We all know all these warnings or procedures, we should take note of them and observe them. So that at the mention of HIV test , we won't die before death.

Finally, let's show love to people living with the virus. Let's care for them and don't stigmatize. You never know what's coming for you too..... Give them your heart.

BRO CODE by Mosco

These days, men spend all their time talking about….women! (Like that isn’t obvious enough) and of course sports and other random topics.

So, in going against the trend, we shall be talking solely about the REAL MAN (just kidding, how’s that going to be fun?) ; here-in referred to as a “BRO”, and the many rules guiding bro’s since the beginning of time as to how a bro must conduct himself amongst other bro’s and chicks too *insert lecherous grin here*.

It is a Bro’s solemn duty to always abide by the bro code in his quest for epicness, so before we proceed, raise your right hand and solemnly swear that you shall always uphold the requirements of the bro code and make amends for previous short-comings.

Although “the bro code” has been passed on from one generation of bro’s to another but for a long time; the bro code has not been codified in a single document. It is a document thought to have originated shortly after Judas betrayed Jesus and other bro’s decided that this un-bro-ly conduct could reflect badly on other bro’s.

So, here it is bro’s, the bro code…in no particular order;

“A bro does not choose his nickname; a nickname is bestowed upon you by your fellow bro’s, either as a punishment or a reward for epic deeds”. Do not attempt to change or complain about your nickname, be glad that your bro’s have extended their warmth in replacing your given name (which is most likely something boring) with something more embarrassing and befitting.

Thomas was “doubting Thomas”, Jesus even named Peter “the rock on whom I shall build my church” (Yes, Dwayne Johnson, we know you stole Peter’s nickname).

“When Bro’s go out to get drinks, all Bro’s must contribute to get the bill paid”. This is not the time to answer strange phone calls, not even the call of nature; when the waiter brings the bill, sit your ass down and chip in, like the real bro that you are. The only clause to this rule is if the bro’s have agreed beforehand that a single bro should handle the bill alone.

“A bro never tells his Bro’s main chick about his side chicks”. In this era where real men are scarce and loudmouths are everywhere, real Bro’s are reminded of this obligation; you should at all times convince your bro’s main chick that she is the only chick, kapish?

Selective amnesia is recommended in this situation; your bro is faithful to his main chick, the chick he was squeezing when you walked into the house the other day is a figment of your imagination (*brings out that nameless device from Men in Black*).

Additionally, this rule was created for unity and harmony among bro’s; “A bro’s bro is also your bro….if you do not like the said bro, it should only be mentioned when your bro’s bro has left”. In line with this, if your bro brings along his bro for drinks or to come watch a game, it is your duty to give your bro’s bro a sense of belonging.

No bitching about how your bro’s bro is sloppy or how his voice is as loud as a Pentecostal church’s loudspeaker. None of that pettiness, always maintain infinite patience with your bro’s bro.

“A bro’s girlfriend is perfect….until she dumps him”; your bro’s girlfriend is perfect, not a negative word shall be uttered about her out of respect for your bro. However, this rule becomes redundant when she dumps your bro! Once she becomes an ex, feel free to talk about her bow-legs, her “a-cup” boobs amongst other major flaws. Don’t also forget to mention that she was never good enough for your bro in the first place; of course, all of these comments must be unanimously agreed upon by all bro’s.

“A Bro must never shed tears”; (Except he receives a very hot slap from a MOPOL/Soldier/Lagos Conductor/Agbero) a bro must never be seen to shed tears, any and every happening must be borne with a straight face and all tears carefully dammed behind a bro’s eyes.

What shall bro’s be without love? Thus, the cardinal principle of Bro-ness is “Love your neigh-bro as yourself”. We live in a world of questioned sexuality so you know this “love” involves no physical contact whatsoever except a handshake, a slap on the back and the occasional “shoulder-bump” when you haven’t seen your bro in a long time.

“When hooking up with a group of chicks, one Bro must take one for the team and hook up with the ugly chick” (I don’t have to explain that there’s always an ugly girl in a group of girls, all bro’s know this) Real Bro’s must not be seen to be “hustling” over fine chicks, thus this rule, every bro must take one for the team once in a while. Amen?
“When your bro’s girlfriend calls to ask where your bro is and why he’s not picking up his calls; YOU must always lie that he’s at your place….sleeping”. This is your unimpeachable duty as a bro, and then of course, you have to call your bro to get the scoop of where he really is and align your lies (bro’s shouldn’t get caught in a conflicting lie).

“When bro’s take a picture, at least two of them must keep a straight face”; none of that nonsense new age pouting or trying to look “cute”; you must look like a BRO and nothing less! Real Bro’s DO NOT smile in pictures or take “mirror pictures”; if you’ve ever taken a picture in the mirror with your iPhone5 and a cute smile on your face, you shouldn’t be reading this, you’re wife material already.

“Where a Bro knows he has no chance of scoring with a chick, he is obligated to refer the said chick to another Bro”; this rule has other sub-sections, “In the event that two Bro’s lock/clock on the same woman, the Bro who has been without a woman the longest is given the first shot (a shot that must be taken within 24 hours, before being passed on”.

Inevitably, bro’s must occasionally clock on the same chick (na only you like better thing?), Troy went to war over Helen (if only they had read the bro code).

“A bro shall not damage another bro’s chances to get laid; real bro’s do not cock-block!” In the event that your bro is telling lies just to score a chick, it is your duty as a bro to back his lies up. If he says he lives in Banana Island, you must remind him that he owns the entire Island, any lie your bro tells must be backed up by another bro (solely in the event of trying to score a chick).

Concerning your bro’s relations, your bro’s mom is always off-limits (forget that crappy movie “MILF”); additionally, a bro will not sleep with another bro’s sister. However, a bro is allowed to be vocal about her level of attractiveness. You will never be good enough for your bro’s sister, so do not attempt to sever the ties that bind bro’s by shagging his sister.

In conclusion, there is honour amongst bro’s, so another key rule in the Bro code is “A bro must honour his father, for he was once a bro”. No matter how much of a bro you are, an older bro laid the foundation of epicness by sizing up a worthy mate and gave birth to the epicness that is you! If you doubt your father’s prowess as a bro, stare at your mama. Enough said!

P:S This is by no means an exhaustive and all-encompassing version of the bro-code, just a random selection of the most interesting aspects of the bro code.

Leap of Faith and Purpose

Not trying to go religious on you but if at all I do so, there's nothing bad in it. Let's reflect about faith, taking steps to fulfill our purpose on earth.

A leap of faith in its commonly used meaning is the act of believing in or accepting something intangible or unprovable or without empirical evidence.
The Phrase 'leap of faith' is attributed to a philosopher, Soren Kierkegaad. He believes that even no matter how religious you are, for you to fulfill your purpose(s) you must take a step or make efforts believing that what you see afar will come true or you'll get there.

There are times in our life where we reach a chasm(a deep crack or opening in the ground). We find ourselves at the edge of a gap between where we are and getting to that next level. We know we want to be on the other side. We can see it and yet we are standing still at the edge staring down and the gap between where we are and where we want to be. Even though the distance between our ledge and the ledge of where we want to be is not beyond our capabilities, we don't jump. We could if we commit ourselves to jump from one side to the other without falling into the gap. Yet, we stand there frozen.
 
At those times, instead of taking that leap, we start backing away from the ledge. We let our fear and self doubt take over. We let the comfort of what we know dominate over what could be and what we wish for truly in our hearts. As we back up we fall into our old circumstances and behavior. Even though we have worked hard to get away from those circumstances and or behavior, it is what we know and what we are comfortable with. Then, in our minds we see the retreat as failure.
 
What we do not recognize is that backing up for a moment is how we create success. Backing up allows us two advantages, we can confirm that we do not want to live on this side of the chasm. Think of it as a parting taste of what was. Even more than that last taste, think of it as what is needed to truly get to the other side, because in fact what you are doing is backing up so that you can take a running start and clear that gap with ease. So there is no failure, only backing up to take a running start, because failure, if you insist on using that word, is what is needed to create success. Without failure there is no success, it is what's needed to get that running start to take that leap.
 
So don't be afraid of backing up, or once again, I know you want to say fail. Failure is part of success. The idea though, is not to back up too far. If you do, once you take that running start you will be worn out before you reach the chasm to leap, and you will stay stuck until you regain your energy. You have to recognize that you are backing up and you have to stop and commit to moving forward with your life.
 
Once you take that run towards the edge, one of three things will happen. There are those that the fear will take over and they will stop well short of the edge. There are those who will try and stop but wait to long and fall into the gap. They fall into worse circumstances, not because they could not move forward, but because they were consumed with doubt once they jumped. Then there are those who commit and take that leap of faith and easily make to the other side.
 
The more you fear the gap the bigger the gap becomes in your mind. That is just your perception, the gap never changes in size. Crossing the gap, if you commit, you can always make it, but your fear controls how you see it.
 
Commit today to moving forward. Believe in yourself and in the life you want to create.  The life you want is on the other side of the chasm. Are you going to jump or stay stuck on this side? Take a leap of faith and break free.  It is in those moments when you leap that you are truly free. There you are in the air, and it seems as that time for a moment gets suspended. Your senses are aware of everything going on and you feel fully alive. You are hyper focused on the approaching ledge and landing safely on the other side. It is that moment that you truly leave the past behind as your mind becomes clear of everything that was holding you back. It is in those moments that you become truly connected to your purpose.
 
Your purpose is always to move forward in life. Your purpose is not to avoid the leap by burying yourself in the safety of routine. Your purpose is not avoiding life in front of a TV or computer or electronic device. Your purpose is not escaping life with alcohol, drugs, food, sex or other. Your purpose is moving forward creating more, living more, feeling more and being alive. You cannot be connected to purpose staying stuck on this side of the chasm. Take that leap and feel alive. Land on the other side and leave the past behind. Don't fear falling back as it is just you getting ready to take a running start. Start running and take that leap, that leap of faith. 

Thank God for Myles Munroe..... He inspired this post. You people should get pursuit of purpose by him, awesome book. Do have a wonderful week...