Other Men In Her Life

When the other men in her life is not her daddy and probably her brothers, then you have Job on your hand to do, to keep your woman.

When you start seeing a woman, there can be a tendency to do one of two problematic things:

First, based on the fact that she’s into you, you can get too comfortable.
She’s expressing interest. Girls are good at that. All the interest she is showing you starts to make you feel smug and think that you have this girl.
It feels like she’s not going anywhere.
They’re good at making it seem like you are her only interest, whether or not this is actually the case.

Unless it’s exclusive and even then sometimes I can tell you it’s usually not the case. She has other interests.
If you spend any amount of time around gorgeous women, one thing becomes apparent. These women get a lot of attention from men without taking specific action to attract that attention.

Yes, she may get dolled up in the morning and take care of herself, but she has men talking to her whether she takes initiative with these men or not.
This could be simple catcalling on the street, men talking to her in restaurants and stores she goes into, or where she works. Some of these men she keeps around as friends. Some of these men really are just friends.
Others are hangers, guys who indefinitely hang around with her as a “friend,” hoping it will somehow turn into something more while she has zero intention of ever getting romantic with them. Or she may have some real prospects she keeps around in case her current relationship with you ends.
A dick in a glass jar break in case of emergency. She will keep these men around for support or validation or just because she’s bored and wants someone to talk to(I get mad for this because women go straight in to the trap of men who wants to devour them, discussing the problems they have with their current men). If she’s attractive then there are men in her life. And there will always be opportunities for her to bring new men into her life.
True, most of those guys are total douchebags, but if she should desire, most attractive women could easily keep a couple guys hanging around in the wings. The fact that there are other options for her means you need to stay vigilant.

If you don’t keep things interesting for her, she may start to get bored. She’ll feel unchallenged. And she may start to consider other options.

The second problematic tendency is the opposite of the first. Based on the fact that you really like her and know there are other men in her life, you start to get a little insecure(I'm the king at this). And you overcompensate, usually by playing too many games. That can be just as bad as the first tendency of not playing any game at all. The problem with that is that a lot of these tactics tend to push her away and also leave you emotionally closed off to her.
And then she ends up running into the arms of another guy because you didn’t give her enough closeness and validation.

So how do you know when to do some but not too much? I have a frame I call the RELATIONSHIP ASSUMPTION. It goes like this: I assume at all times that she has three guys she talks to who are into her, but don’t challenge her like I do.

What does this assumption do for me?
Well, if I just thought about all these guys chasing after her, it could make me insecure. That’s why I assume they aren’t very good at challenging her (and frankly compared to me they probably aren’t.) That way I don’t hold back too much for fear of getting played by her. And I also challenge her, but not too much.

This assumption forces me to stay on my toes at all time, even with the most loving of girls, without getting insecure. You never want to stop keeping her on her toes a little or keep her guessing. If you do, you’ll get caught unaware. You want to inject some measures to make her wonder.
You don’t want to stop being flirtatious, unpredictable and slightly mysterious, or she will start to lose attraction for you. No matter how confident you are, there will always be guys bolder than you out there taking a shot at your woman. Women are loyal. But loyalty only goes not so far. She needs a little bit of excitement and unpredictability.

How do you inject a little bit of excitement into the relationship? Frankly, there is an entire world of techniques that you can use to keep her on her toes.

One example would be that if you’re the one who always takes initiative with her, drop out of sight until she takes initiative. Another example is to tell her you have a surprise for her and refuse to tell her what it is until you give it to her. You want to maintain some tension with her on some level, or the relationship slips into a neutered friend zone. That’s when you lose the girl.

One of the most important aspects of relationship maintenance is figuring out how much to “game” the woman you’re with to keep her interested.
By adopting the relationship assumption, you have a solid frame for dealing with her that shouldn’t make you insecure but also reminds you to stay on your toes.

Instant Gratification or Long Term Satisfaction?

How are you doing in the tug-of-war between working toward your long term goals and the temptation of instant gratification? It is amazing how so many areas of life are affected by the gravitational pull of these two forces.

Have you ever wondered why it is so difficult to stick to a long term success plan and so easy to be derailed by things that only provide momentary pleasure? Why is it so challenging to do push ups and watch your diet, and so easy to eat junk food(the lots of coke, pepsi I , Shina and Abdulai but difficult to drink jedi). Why would any of us choose to spend hours on social media sites rather than do the work that pays the bills?

What’s the real draw of instant gratification?

I am sure you realize that the vast majority of advertising is designed to trigger impulse buying. But do you know what impulse buying and instant gratification have in common? They both appeal to our emotions in a way that overrides our logic. It shouldn’t come as a surprise then, that impulse buying is one of the most common sources of instant gratification.

In contrast, long term goals usually involve a logical decision followed by a commitment along with a certain amount of discipline. We may be emotionally attached to the intended outcome, but that’s not the same kind of emotional impulse that feeds an instant gratification craving.

What is the draw of long term satisfaction?

The kind of satisfaction that comes from pursuing our long term goals is one of substance. Anything that requires consistent effort over a long period of time is bound to leave us with a deeper sense of accomplishment. Unlike instant gratification, this is the category where we work to make our dreams become reality.

Reasonableness dictates that truly significant achievements require significant effort and time to be realized. There is usually nothing instantaneous about it. In fact, this approach is often referred to as deferred gratification. It involves greater gratification, but we have to be willing to wait for it.

Is there room for both?

That’s really what we want, isn’t it? We want to reach for our dreams and the things that bring long term satisfaction, while having our days accented with some instant gratification. So, the question is, can we have both or will one always pull against the other?

Of course we can have both, but some management is required so that we maintain a healthy state of balance and don’t end up abandoning our long term goals in favor of the quick fix.

3 ways to balance instant gratification with long term satisfaction

1. Use the reward system. We all like to be rewarded for our efforts and we naturally work harder when there is a reward in the near future. An example of this approach might be when we are watching our diet and trying to get in shape. The longer we go without those forbidden foods, the stronger our cravings become.

The solution is to reward yourself with a treat meal after a week of effort. This approach allows you to satisfy your craving so you won’t feel deprived. And, you will give yourself something to look forward to during the week. It’s a win-win situation as long as you control the frequency of those instant gratification treat meals.

2. Punctuate long term goals with regular celebration points. Identify milestones along the path of your long term goals and use them as opportunities to celebrate what you’ve accomplished up to that point. If you are building a business, you could choose to celebrate every time your income goes up by 50k or 100k per month.

3. Give yourself daily approval and acknowledgment. One of the greatest sources of gratification is approval and acknowledgment. You don’t need to look elsewhere for this kind of gratification. All you need to do is take the time to commend yourself for what you’ve accomplished. Withholding this kind of approval can cause you to seek it from outside sources like comfort foods or mindless time wasting activities.

I suggest you make time to do this at the end of every day. It’s not a big deal, but it does make a big difference in your level of gratification. Simply review your day and give yourself your personal thumbs up for a job well done.

Instant gratification and long term satisfaction

With a little planning you can have them both and maintain a healthy sense of balance. If some form of instant gratification is throwing your life out of balance, apply one of these three strategies to help restore your equilibrium.

Beyond The Transformation at Crystal Palace - Oladayo Akin

The English Premier League (EPL) season has come and gone. And as usual, it was fun all through till the last day of the league. As much as there was fun, there were lessons to be learnt also. One of such lessons formed the basis of this write up.
So much praises has been showered on the manager of Crystal Palace, Tony Pulis for his transformation of Crystal Palace Football Club. While not taking anything away from Tony Pulis tactical genius, I think and believe the unsung hero in the transformation is Mr Ian Holloway, Crystal Palace former manager.
I have to personally admit that I was surprised when Ian Holloway announced that he was leaving Crystal Palace. What got me more surprised was the reason he gave for leaving. In his words and I quote:
“This Club needs an impetus of energy. But I just feel tired to be honest. I am worn out. I have to hold my hand up and say we didn’t keep the spirit that got us up”
Mr Ian Holloway left Palace after just eight (8) league games and thirty (30) league games to go in the English Premier League. Even though results has not been going his way with just a win and seven (7) losses in eight (8) league games, thirty (30) league games to virtually all 21st century managers is a lot to change the fortunes of any sinking club. But rather than wait to see the fortunes the 30 league games will bring, Mr Ian Holloway like Robin Van Persie listened to the little boy inside him and left Palace by mutual consent. After leaving, Tony Pulis was appointed the new manager of the club. The appointment of Tony Pulis injected new life into the club and brought about the listed results below.
Crystal Palace finished 11th on the English Premier League log which by their standard is a remarkable success.
Selhurst Park, the current home ground of Palace is somehow turning out to be a fortress ground against big guns. If you think am exaggerating on this, ask Chelsea and Liverpool fans.
Tony Pulis who prior to his take over at Crystal Palace has never won an individual award in the English Premier League was voted the Premier League manager of the year.
One may not but asked this question; what if Ian Holloway decided to remain as manager of Crystal Palace and fight for survival? This is a question begging for answers. Answers could probably be:
He may eventually get sacked if the poor runs continue. That will be a dent to his managerial career.
He may eventually get Crystal Palace to stay in the Premier League but definitely not the miraculous manner Tony Pulis has done it many will argue.
Crystal Palace may relegate back to the championship after just a season in the top flight of the English Football.

Looking at the possible answers above, one can easily draw up conclusion that Ian Holloway leaving the club has done more good than harm to the club.

In all, I praise the man Ian Holloway for that bold and selfless move. Many of his contemporaries would not dare it, they will wait till the club show them the way out. It is a moral lesson for all of us that sometimes when we seem not to be in control of some situations any longer, to quit is an option which can bring about desirable success to such situations.

Thanks and congratulation to Manchester City Football Club on winning the English Premier League. It was well deserved.

MINDSET MAKES THE DIFFERENCE

THE DIFFERENCE THAT MAKES THE DIFFERENCE- A WINNING MINDSET
The difference between the mindset of a winner and that of a loser, is the difference that makes the difference.

The difference between having a happy, fulfilled and joyful life or one that seems like a continuous string of obstacles and difficulties we can never seem to overcome.

And that difference is choice. The choice to give up or to carry on.

The knowledge that it is not the problems and obstacles we face that define us, but rather our reaction and response to those hurdles.

In fact most of us already know this but still we find it difficult or even impossible to break out of old habitual thought patterns that keep us locked in. Locked into non-productive and limiting negative mindsets and thought patterns.

We know and understand that we need to think and act in a "positive" manner, but we nevertheless carry on regardless, not fully committing to making those changes in our lives that will liberate us - finally.

And even when we do commit, we are often defeated by our own self-sabotage routines that slide in unconsciously and rob us of our motivation to persist and succeed in our chosen path.

The reasons for that are of course the very reasons we have a problem in the first place. Old habits die hard. In most cases, our whole life is one long chain of physical and mental habits. Habits that are ingrained and conditioned deep below any conscious level. Habits of thought that are outside our conscious control. Habits and conditioned thoughts that are on subconscious auto-pilot.

Any deliberate conscious effort to make changes are sabotaged by that part of the mind that is in real control - the subconscious mind.

Although meditation and various other self help can yield some positive results, these results are only superficial because to create meaningful changes in our lives we need to make fundamental structural changes deep within ourselves.

We need to get to the root. The root of our negative and self defeating behaviour and thought patterns.

And to do that we need to access the deeper recesses of the mind. We need to access the subconscious directly. To implant new conditioning and thought patterns based on the correct empowering beliefs that generate the correct positive empowering thoughts that lead to correct actions and good results.

We need to bypass the critical filters of the conscious mind and go directly to the source of power - your subconscious mind.