Karma (in Relationships)

Oh well!
“You get what you give.” “What goes around comes around.” We often use these sayings to describe what we consider to be retribution but simple known as “karma” ; a kind of cosmic justice that creates balance in the world. It makes us feel really good to know that ultimately no good deed will go unrewarded just as no bad deed will go unpunished. Somebody or something is keeping score. And because we generally like to consider ourselves to be on the right side of “right”, we do our good works and we sit back and wait for our reward. We are so invested in this belief that we can become really impatient, sometimes to the point of frustration even, when our good stuff fails to show up.

And what about relationships? We do all the right things. We practice being spiritually grounded; we want to be present and emotionally available. We surround ourselves with the right people; “toxic” friends are no longer a part of our inner circles. We keep ourselves physically fit and well groomed as we pluck and wax and tweeze ourselves to perfection. Even more important -we are good. So, so good. Kind, loving, thoughtful and considerate. We are Ms. Right ready for our Mr. Right to appear. We have cleaned out our emotional junk, done our spiritual homework, and we are ready, willing and able to give our best. So what is up with the men/women who show up in our lives who don’t quite match our perception of our perfect mate? For some reason, our relationship reward seems to be slow in coming. Surely something is off-kilter, but we keep moving and we wait for our good karma to kick in.

And as we move in and out of relationships, attempting to get it right and seeking our reward, we often find ourselves dissatisfied. We feel we deserve better. We see ourselves as more than what we are attracting, but what we fail to realize is that EVERY relationship that we experience is a direct reflection of who we are in any given moment. Through our relationships, we are given the opportunity to truly see ourselves-our greatness and our strength, and also what is injured and needs healing. EVERY man is our Mr. Right and right now is our perfect opportunity to heal and to grow; to use each and every relationship to help us become more of the person that we ultimately want to show up in our lives. Nothing is broken. Nothing is wrong. Nothing is out of balance.

Our karma is good and everything is exactly as it should be.

Earn Your Self Respect Back.

After learning how not to give a f**k...... I can only assume that we must have lost our self respect for people to treat us anyhow. And people treating us as they want is the reason why we don give a f**k.
Ok. Just for you to start your week with greatness, here are few ways for you to gain your self respect back.

STEP 1- ACCEPT, OR DEAL WITH, AWKWARDNESS.


It’s widely known that interviewers get their best material by being quiet and allowing silence to force words out of a politician or celebrity.
You may be uncomfortable with silence. I know I still am. But I have been working on it and have to say that it is a much more serene state to be in than trying to cover it up with random babbling just to fill up the air. This is one type of awkwardness, a kind that you should feel comfortable about and learn to live with.
Another kind of social awkwardness is this in-between space where you might have done something wrong or been wronged, but don’t say anything. I’ve been given a few harsh lessons in my time and come away realizing that the freedom that comes from talking about an uncomfortable truth is better than the comfort of avoiding that talk altogether.
Someone told me recently that the Clintons’ method for earning respect in politics is this: if someone pushes you, push back twice as hard. This is much better than awkwardness. It’s clear, it’s not passive aggressive, and you know where you stand. Start doing this immediately.


STEP 2. TELL THE TRUTH.

You don’t need to be an asshole, but the world does not need another conflict-avoidant, evasive person. No one wants another individual who steps in line with everyone else. The status quo is doing fine without you, so it’s up to you to call bullshit if you see it.
Don’t mind-read either. Telling the truth means seeing the truth, not adding your own layer of sugar coating or suspected emotion on top of it.


Step 3- LEARN HOW NOT TO DISRESPECT YOURSELF.

One thing is it is what you do to yourself, that people will do to you. A yoruba saying that "oun ti alaso ba pe aso e ni a maa ba pe" meaning it's what the owner of a cloth calls it that people will call it. That is if you say your shirt is a rag, people will call it rag. So if you want to gain yourself respect back, you must first learn how to respect yourself.

Step 4- ADJUST YOUR SELF-ESTEEM

It is very evidential that people take people with NO or LOW self-esteem for granted. This is as a result of the fact that too many people see themselves as nothing. Even if you've got nothing, carry yourself like you own the whole world. This is not pride, it is self esteem. From a popular Bollywood movie "3 idiot" Raju Rastogi was able to get the job because he adjusted his self esteem and was not lowering himself because he wanted a job. He acted like a made man of his words.
If we don't raise our shoulders a little high sometimes people won't appreciate us.


STEP 5. BEGIN YOUR NEW LIFE
This step can’t happen without the others, but once you’ve gotten here, you can safely begin to explore a whole new world– one where anything you do is fine as long as it isn’t seriously hurting anyone else. Wanna explore old abandoned buildings? No problem, as long as you’re ready to live with the consequences. Feel like hanging from hooks or get whipped by a dominatrix? Go ahead, but be safe about it. This is the theme of the NOUVEAU MOI(new me) I ranted about on BBM some weeks back. You have to accept that the old you is gone with feelings of not been respected and embrace the new you.

Once you begin on this path, you start to discover that practically everyone is capable of understanding the weird things that you do. In fact, it makes you interesting and worth paying attention to, further feeding into your plans of world domination, should you have any.
But none of this fun can happen without you recognizing, and walking past, the eye. Doing this is a powerful act of control which builds momentum and makes you strong.
Take back your self respect. Do it today– try it right now. Wear something ugly. Do something stupid. Tell someone the truth.
It doesn’t fucking matter.

With all this I believe people will start respecting you and your decisions and they will know that when they lose you, they Lost someone valuable.

HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK AHEAD OF YOU.

Not Giving a F**k

Ok, I have a confession to make.

For the past 2months I rant on bbm and twitter about how sad I feel about others not giving a fuck about me but I don't care anymore.

I have spent almost my whole life– 20+ years–  caring far too much about offending people, worrying if I’m cool enough for them, or asking myself if they are judging me.

I can’t take it anymore. It’s stupid, and it’s not good for my well being. It has made me a punching bag–  a flighty, nervous wuss. But worse than that, it has made me someone who doesn’t take a stand for anything. It has made me someone who stood in the middle, far too often, and not where I cared to stand, for fear of alienating others. No more. Not today.

Today, ladies and gentlemen, is different.

We’re going to talk about the cure. We’re going to talk about what’s necessary. We’re going to talk about the truth.

Do you wonder if someone is talking shit about you? Whether your friends will approve? Have you become conflict-avoidant? Spineless?

Well, it’s time you started not giving a fuck.

FACT NUMBER 1. People are judging you right now.

Yes, it’s really happening right at this moment. Some people don’t like you, and guess what? There’s nothing you can do about it. No amount of coercion, toadying, or pandering to their interests will help. In fact, the opposite is often true; the more you stand for something, the more they respect you, whether it’s grudgingly or not.

What people truly respect is when you draw the line and say “you will go no further.” They may not like this behaviour, but so what? These are people who don’t like you anyway, why should you attempt to please people who don’t care for you in the first place?

Right. Then, there’s Internet trolls. That’s a whole other thing.

Regular people are fine– you don’t actually hear it when they’re talking behind your back. But on the web, you do see it, which changes the dynamic drastically. They have an impact because they know you have your vanity searches, etc. But the real problem with Internet haters is that they confirm your paranoid delusion that everyone out there secretly hates you.

Thankfully, that’s not actually true. So the first noble truth is that most people don’t even care that you’re alive. Embrace this, my friends, for it is true freedom. The world is vast and you are small, and therefore you may do as you wish and cast your thoughts of those who dislike it to the side.

FACT NUMBER 2. You don’t need everyone to like you.

This stuff is crazy, I know, but it’s cool, you’ll get used to it. Here’s the next thing: not only do most people not know that you exist, and some are judging you, but it totally does not matter even if they are.

How liberating this is may not even hit you yet, but it will. Check this out: when people don’t like you, nothing actually happens. The world does not end. You don’t feel them breathing down your neck. In fact, the more you ignore them and just go about your business, the better off you are.

You know when they say “the best revenge is a life well lived”? Well, this is true, but it isn’t the whole truth. A life well lived is great, yes, but it cannot happen while you are sweating about who your detractors are and what they think. What you have to do, what you have no choice but to do, is accept it and move on.

So not giving a fuck is actually a necessary precedent to create a good life for yourself. It can’t happen without it. That’s why you have to begin today.

FACT NUMBER 3. It’s your people that matter.

Ok, so you’ve adjusted to the fact that most people in the world are barely aware of your existence, and you’re also conscious of the fact that those who don’t like you are in the obscenely small minority and don’t actually matter. Awesome. Next you need to realize that the people who do care about you, and no one else, are those you need to focus on.

Relationships are weird. Once we’re in one (with family, a spouse, whatever), we promptly begin to take the other person for granted and move on to impressing strangers instead– say, our boss. Then, once we’ve impressed our boss, we start taking him for granted too, and so on, in an endless cycle of apathy. It’s like we always prefer to impress and charm the new than to work on what we already have.

But these people– your champions– they understand your quest or your cause. They make you feel good when you’re around them, make you laugh or make you feel like you can just be yourself. They make you feel relaxed or at ease. You’ve shared things with them. They’re important. Focus on them instead.

FACT NUMBER 4. Those who don’t give a fuck change the world. The rest do not.

So I’m reading this horrible book right now by Stephen King called the Long Walk. It’s a contest where people walk without sleeping or resting, and if they do stop, they are killed. (That’s actually every Stephen King book– “there’s a clown, but it kills!” “There’s a car, but it kills!” etc.)

I suspect this book is a metaphor for war, but it also captures perseverance very well. What it takes to move past anything is to simply realize that your obstacle is unimportant, and that it can be dismissed. This is true whether you’re running a marathon or trying to get to Mars.

If you dismiss the things that do not matter; if you remove those things from your mind and focus on what must be done; if you understand that your time is limited and decide to work now; only then will you be able to get to the finish line. Otherwise, you will be dissuaded into living a life you aren’t interested in.

NOTE: You need to handle failure and obscurity better. You may be in a tough place right now where you feel lonely or like a loser. No worries, we’ve all been there. But it’s time for you to realize how common these things are, and that they’re experienced by even the most successful and happiest people in the world. Those people get past them, and you will too.

A decision that didn't need making

YES - United out of europe is funny. Yes - United out of europe screwed by a ref is particularly funny.

But this was an occasion that was more than simply a United champions league tie. It was an occasion where those of us who can only get away with watching so many Non-Arsenal games each season felt confident chasing in on a chip on. It was one of those occasions where you had two terrific sides in terrific form. You wondered what would ultimately separate them.

And for a while it was great. United scored but that didn't really matter because Madrid still had to get one and we wondered how it would all play out.

And then the referee intervened: it was clearly a complete accident and to those who say it is reckless to control the ball at that height, I'd remind you that we' re about to cast in bronze a statue of Dennis Bergkamp doing exactly that.

But for me the point is the referee never had to make that decision: no fan, player or manager of Real Madrid would have cited a failure to issue a red at that point as explanation for their failure to qualify. Just as nobody from Barcelona ever would have dared cite a failure to send-off RVP for kicking the ball away in Nou Camp a couple of years ago had we gone on to beat them.

Source :

The Need To Say NO TO CULTISM

After the shocking news of damoche, an upcoming artiste popular for his damino damoche and obo to she tracks. It won't be new to say he 'was' a cultist. I'm not talking about his personality on here and I'm not discussing about his death, I just want to shed light on cultism and the need to say NO to Cultism.

Things are really falling apart and indeed the falcon can no longer hear the falconer. We should put our sh*t together. We only Live once........

To me I see cultism not only as a wrong doctrine but also as bad attitudes. Cultism in University is a barbaric activity that can only harm and mar the students future. Most people went to the University innocent and turn bloody there, Neglecting the values of been a good student. All the protection promises they make, beautiful girls things, No intimidation things, hardman thing are all LIES from the pit of hell. If you actually join because you want ladies, you can only get b*tches and not women of substance. Rather you end up spending 10yrs for a 4yr course or end up in the grave before graduation.
This is why I don't even pity any cultist killed by other frats. If you kill people, be ready for the that day you'd be killed. It's a retributive justice......

Cultism is not sexually segregating. It involves both male and female. And for too many irrational reasons people lose their lives like chickens putting parents into total darkness of sorrow. Destinies are destroyed and lives are cut short. There is more to this life than seeking salvation where there is not. I'm not preaching or giving sermon. I'm just reflecting on the social effect of cultism.

If you are a cultist, all you can get is series of killings in revenge of your death. So while dead, there are still lives that'd be counted on you. This act is a mess and menace to the society at large.
Our generation should be the hope of tomorrow, where's the Hope in cultism?? We are the change needed to pilot this great nation to its Canaan, where's the change in Cultism?? We want to fight against corruption, do we have to fight against each other to do it? We want to make Nigeria a better place but what's good in Cultism??

It's kinda amusing that some positive thinking youths are busy reading just to make it life, some into self-established business, some into internet programming stuffs and other stuffs like that, trying to make a living, make cool cash. While some backward thinking , dark aged youths are interested in killing one another.

I'm not a perfectionist, but to a minimal stage we can earn perfection though not total. And this perfection is to say no to cultism, never join them, putting your trust in God, Allah, Eledumare, Amadioha, chukwu or what God or god you believe in.

I still believe in the power of us making a change, it begins with you and I. SAY NO TO CULTISM!!!

Love, frienship and Betrayal (3)

Sorry this story came late. But anyway I know you are anticipating on what happened to 'debola. For those who are reading this story for the first time, here is a summary.....

'Debola's trusted friend tolani snatched 'demola, her husband to be (in a marriage that was 3weeks away). And months later, Grace (another friend of debola) rushed in with an invitation card for tolani and demola's wedding. Debola had accident on her way back from tolani's wedding. And she won't be able to walk for a year or two.

---------------------------------------------------------------

I cried so much after hearing the sad news that I won't be able to walk for a year or two. Grace was with me, giving me tissues to dry off the tears on my cheeks. The 'hawt' doctor was there too, he was just looking at me. And I wasn't even thinking about him because of the news, all that was going through my head was "so I lost my husband 'to be' to tolani and I lost my spinal cord to tolani's treacherous wedding". And for the first time if I'm not lying, I cursed her in my heart then I sighed. "Don't worry dear, it 's not like you won't work again" the doctor said. Then he draws out an x-ray result from a file, demonstrating the dislocation in my spinal cord and the ruptured ribs. I was in tears and couldn't see what he was showing me.

I spent two months in the hospital after that day. And I see the doctor everyday, and even when Grace can't come to the hospital to sleep over, the doctor will. Sometimes he won't even go home after his shift.

On an afternoon , I was teasing him. " Won't you go home and stay with your wife?" I said jokingly. Though there was no ring on his finger but I wanted to know maybe there is anyone.

He replied "I have no one to go home too, my brother is in the U.K and our parents are dead. I looked at him with a sad face. "Sorry, but that's not a correct answer." He smiled, ''I'm single" he said. There was this sprinting happiness in my blood stream. Though several time, I'd ask him, "can u date a disabled lady like myself". ''Hmmm, if that's what would make me happy."
Not like I was trying to force myself on him but he's kinda hot and I'm not in a position to play with any chance I have. As a matter of fact, I don't even know his name, I call him DR, Nothing more.

After the discharge from hospital, he visits at least thrice a week. Maybe because he's my personal doctor. Grace is always around and there were no chances for us to talk about dating or anything...... Sometimes when he's around, Grace and him would just push me around the neighbourhood, get me some ice cream.

After 2 or 3months can't remember precisely, I started using crutches instead of wheelchair . The first day I walked with crutches, he was so happy that he had to go out, get I and grace chicken and potato chips.

But things suddenly changed, I wasn't seeing him again, whenever I try his number it's always switched off. There was no one to talk to, as I was not seeing Grace too. I lived the first one week of not seeing them in agony, I couldn't do things all by myself. Infact I was not having proper bath. So I made up my mind on going to check him at home on a saturday morning. He gave me his house address, when I told him that I'll come and know maybe he's single or not.

I chattered a cab from Bariga to Ogba. His house is one big building, very free to access. The maid helped me to get to the living room. ''Madamu, oga go soon come join u. Relask(x) and enjoy". I couldn't reply because I was sad and was saving all the words for the doctor.

I was looking all around the living room. Two big portraits of his mum and dad. One small portrait of him. No picture of any girl. I sighed in relief. But as I was looking at every piece in the house, I was hearing someone moaning.

My heart was pounding seriously, and I was praying it should not be doctor. Because I was already in love and if he's not going to ask me out, I was intending to tell him that I love him. At least what a man "can't" do , I'll do it better.

So I checked the first room, no one there. As I move towards the second room, the moaning gets closer. It must be the second room. As I peeped to see , no one there too. With the difficulty in carrying my crutches, I didn't mind. Things we do for love. I move towards the third room, and the moaning was closer than it was. ''The room is open'', I soliloquies. I peeped this time, and I saw a light skinned lady, sitting on the di''k of a tall , built and strong guy. These qualities matches that of Dr. But I watched the action for almost 4 minutes. The lady was seriously pounding on the D, the guy (who I'm not sure yet maybe is doctor or not) was grabbing the boobs firmly. The D must be really long because as the lady goes up, the inch of the D that I was seeing is long enough to fill another Hole...... The lady was banging it really hard like she's gonna die after that. And the guy was not letting go of the boobs. I was shocked and couldn't talk for 4minutes, the sex was intense and I screamed "D O C T O R!!!!"

And because it was the lady that was on top, she turned first. She said "haaa! 'Debola!!!" And *crying* it is my friend, Grace. As the guy stretches neck to see, he looked at me strangely, like we are seeing for the first time. And it is The Doctor. And down I go with my crutches, shouting ''Not again!!!!".

Life As A Journey............

Things have been happening, not just things, lots of great and bad things. Anyway I am not here to remind you of that, today I just thought I should write here about "A life Journey" which is basically just a journey through life, we all journey through this life, we encounter the good and the bad, each day has got it's own challenges, losses, victories, disappointments, it's just full of everything; that is life for you.

In my life I have been through a lot just like you and him and the other one, but the challenges we meet always differ, my life journey is not at all like yours, sometime they maybe be similar but I know it for a fact they can never be the same coz we all take things differently and we all can stand different challenges, some we loose some we win. As human we always ask ourselves certain questions, why me, do I deserve this, when will I ever get through, etc. All these questions are just part of life, your life, my life and his/her life!

Sometimes we get through a time when we have so much good time that we forget there can be bad times as well, sometimes we just ignore the bad time and live in our dreams. But the fact is that life can be a dream but there is also reality and that we can not run away from. When reality strikes we turn to go down like a mountain, when we dream we turn to wish it was true, that is also just part of life. I have lived in a dream for a while and I have also lived in reality for a while, these two go hand in hand, they are just helpers of each other, one can't survive without the other.

Have you ever asked yourself which world you live in, a dream world or a real world? Which one do you hold on to, more than the other, your dreams or the reality? To me that doesn't matter, all that matters is the balance between the two. We can dream but also have to know that we have to bring the dream world in reality, that is what we do every day but we fail to understand that not every dream can be brought in to the real world, not every dream brought in to the real world will be successful, however if not successful it's always easy do take it back into the dream world and re dream you dream, fix the mistakes and put it back into reality.

We all have to come to a point where we understand that life is a journey and you never know what, who, how, and when you will meet something or someone on the way, you can never tell what kind of  thing, person you will meet, what characters they will have or what challenges they will give you. But all we can stand on is one, "what ever I meet, I am ready to take it up and if it may happen that I am hurt on the way there is always time to heal" that is life, that is the life we live. So why cut off your journey when you can re-dream, why give up when you can re-dream. I see no reason, they only thing I will say if you give up is that you have defeated yourself.

Albert Einstein once said, "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." How true can that be, each person has their own journey to travel, if you want to travel mine just forget, if you want my strength just forget. We all differ, maybe I am not such a good writer, but I know I can always talk sense into your head, maybe I am not a good thinker but I know I can put a little motivation into you. Just think, if we all had the same mentality, gifts and skills, what would make you unique, what would give you that special feeling, the truth is "nothing". So just live with what you have and know that it's part of your life journey, don't ask why it's happening to you. Anyway who should it happen to, you can see it's on your path, it was made for you coz you can handle it.
So life is a journey, you never know what to expect but I want you to know, it was made for you, and you will know once you have reached the destination. So now lets just pack our bags with all the things we think would help on the way. Wish you all the best on your journey, maybe it will be easy maybe not, but yours can never be the same as mine. For the last tip, never judge another person with your own abilities and strengths, remember your were created for a journey that is different from his/hers, what seems easy to you may be hard on them and what seems hard on you may be easy on them.

Let's go for it, it's a path made for you!

FROM WHERE IT BEGINS… –. Haastrup Steven Adeshope.

Let’s get it straight – the societal transformation we are looking for begins with you and me. And the best place to start is from the confession room.

Welcome to LeadingYOU – a production of #StevenSpeaks. My name is Haastrup Steven Adeshope.

Aren’t we all guilty as charged? Shouldn’t we all stand penitent in the confession room, our heads buried in our palms? Let us turn out gaze this morning to the typical Nigerian parent. He wants the best for his children but it in on his watch that the seed of indiscipline, lawlessness and corruption reverberating through the nation is sown.

You can preach do as I say but not as I do behind the pulpit but certainly not in the home. It won’t sell. Every one of us remembers, at least, one incidence in which our parents’ advice backfired. The advice, as well intentioned as it might be, failed the crucial test of positive role modeling. The news went round in my days about a father that told his child to tell his creditors he was not home. The child sighting the creditors rushed to them, saying, “My father said I should tell you he is not home, even though he is behind the tree in the backyard hiding” There was another case of a child who witnessed the illicit affair between his mom and a lover. The lover wanting to keep the mouth of child sealed showered him with gifts. One day, the child annoyed his father, who decided to deny him of his favorite chocolate as a punishment. The child’s response opened a can of worms. “Alright then, I will go to my second father. Did you not say you are traveling tomorrow? My second father will move in as soon as you are gone, and he will buy me chocolate.”

The family, my dear reader, is the foundation of any society. If change must come, it must have the family as its first point of call. It is here that the child’s personality and character are formed. It is here that prejudice against other ethnic groups is encouraged or discouraged. It is here that indiscipline is bred. It is here that discipline is enforced. The future of our nation is not determined by the quality of debate in the National Assembly but by the decisions that are made at every home. When you ask your child not to be friend with a friend from poor parentage, you sow the seed of class consciousness. When you berate other ethnic groups in the presence of your child, you lay the foundation for ethnic prejudice. When you offer bribe to get your child admission or help her secure examination questions, you are encouraging a lifetime of bribery and corner cutting.

Each action or inaction at the home of every Nigeria affects the whole nation. It is here we raise future leaders – skilled, visionary, responsible and accountable. When we teach the children the beauty and the benefit of delayed gratification, we sow the seed of patience and good judgment. If we are not making the right choices at home, then we need to plead guilty before the court of societal change.

 

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I wish..........

sigh...

Some days I really wish that I could run away..far away. Somewhere undiscovered, I wish

I could live on the side of a mountain somewhere on a beautiful island. With nothing

but the sound of the wind and crashing waves. Nothing to worry about.no war.no poverty.

no children dying.no drugs. no global warming.no aids.no terrioris (boko)m.no pain.no

fighting.no fear.no corrupt governments.no broken hearts.no stress.no ulcers. That


place would be beautiful.children would be happy.families will join together in peace.

sigh.

Maybe we all need that peaceful place, where there is absolute peace and the mind is free from all negative thoughts and negative people.

But I've to stop running away from the predicaments of life and time. For nothing stays foerever.

We all are captives of our inability to make a change....why run away?? Why not face the challenges and make this place that imaginary peaceful island we think about.

Winners don't quit, that should be the anthem. The only peaceful island of no terrorism
, No cry, etc is the metaphorical paradise.

I don't need to run away, I just have to face it! I'm a winner..........and you know what winners don't do...........

Tips To Let Go Of The Past And Embrace The Future

Letting go can be difficult. Letting go of people, ideas, expectations, desires; letting go of bad habits, false beliefs and unhealthy relationships... the list goes on. Every day, every moment presents an opportunity to create ourselves anew, to shrug off the baggage of the past, open ourselves up to the possibility of the moment and take action to create an incredible future. 

Although we can understand this intellectually, knowing it and living it are two very different things. 

Here is my Top Ten Action list for letting go to get going:

1. Meditate. Find stillness, breathe. Meditation is action. Our mind is much harder to still than our body. Our lives are busy and fast paced, filled with external noise and distractions. Clarity comes from quiet.  Meditation, even in small amounts, will make room for the next 9 steps.

2. Understand. Take time to reflect on your own history as a third party looking in without judgment: simply observe. Understand that you are not your past. Understand that the situations and patterns and people in your life created your experiences, they didn’t create you. Knowing and understanding your past and some of your patterns will help you to recognize why you hold on and repeat self-destructive behaviours. Understanding creates awareness; awareness helps you break the cycle.

3. Accept. Accept your history and the people that have been a part of your history; accept your circumstances and remember that none of these define you. Acceptance is the first step to letting go and setting yourself free. Learn from the monk in the story: carrying bitterness, anger or animosity burdens no one but you.

4. Empty your cup. Consciously and actively work at letting go of your story; your judgments and ideals, the material things, all your stuff. They have no real value. They do not make you stronger, healthier or more powerful, and belief in them is a delusion. Pour out your expectations of how, who, where and what you should be as they, too, are part of a story that holds you back from simply being.  Once you let go of this story and empty your cup, your life purpose will open up and flow.

5. Align. Take a moment (or several: you’re worth the time) to write down the following: 
i. Your core beliefs/values
ii. Your Life Goals
iii. The actions that you are taking to pursue those goals.
Now take an honest look at your core beliefs/values and determine whether or not they align with your goals and actions. If not, ask yourself: is it time to create new core beliefs, set new goals OR take new action? What actions must you take to align your actions with your beliefs in order to attain your goals. Write down 3 actions that you will take this week to get yourself moving. 

6. Flex. It may seem paradoxical to detach from outcomes, yet set goals and work toward them. But if you are flexible -- that is, willing to let go of the end result -- aligning your goals and true purpose with the greater good is righteous action. Be flexible; allow the path to unfold as it will, opening up to opportunities. Flex and flow with the current of life. 

7. Contribute. When you find yourself lamenting about your past or angry about your present or brooding about your future, find a way to making someone’s day better. Offering a smile to someone as you pass, opening a door, putting a bit of extra change in the parking meter, dropping off some food for the food bank: these simple actions can have lasting impact and help you to put your situation into perspective. Contributing to the well-being of others is the best way to align with your true self.

8. Believe in yourself. Believe in your purpose. Believe that the universe is unfolding as it should and that you have a divine roll to play. Believe that holding on does nothing in fact but hold you back from that purpose.

9. Love the process.  Have fun. Be playful, cheerful and positive. Give power to positivity. Love yourself, love others and love this life. It is a gift to unwrap each and every day, to gaze upon with new and excited eyes.

10. Be grateful.  Be true. Once you have taken all of these actions, just be. 

Here’s to letting go of the past and embracing the future. 

Letter To My Ex (Old Scar But The Pain Is Always New)

Letter to my Ex


NB: This letter is supposedly written in a drunken state of mind

“““““““““““““““““““““““““““““`old scar but the pain is new......



I’m sorry that I need to write this letter to you, but I really need to do it. As I write to you I’m drinking to my heart’s content in a bar; with my left hand I’m holding a bottle of wine, –my only company at the moment– and with my right hand I’m scribbling and doodling on a piece of paper all the high thoughts which are clouded with sadness over my mind.


Believe me; believe everything I write, people here complain that I’m excessively drunk, and that, time has come for me to leave the bar… you see, it’s just 3 o’clock in the morning, and they want me to leave, morons! They are not people, as I see them, they are potatoes… no! They are lizards, no, no they are dragons. Ha ha ha! I’m drunk!  I’m drunk!  Drunk, drunk… drunnnkkk! achoo!  Am I drunk?




I ordered the waitress to pour me the 100th glass of wine a while ago, now she comes, she looks dashing in her attire, three quarter’s full is her face, she is not a potato, she is an angel, and her ruby-red lips tempts me to have a word or two with her. She gives me a wink and is pouring down the wine hesitantly. But why is she hesitating to serve her customer? Perhaps she doesn’t want me to get over drunk; [doesn’t she know I’m over drunk.

Truth comes out from the heart when a person is drunk, also speaks of love and hate, but truth and only truth a person speaks when chemically imbalanced he is made. But the pain is there and the scar is ''ungone''.


I feel like vomiting and the world seems upside down, I try to move but every time I try, I fall down, and I’m falling down now. I miss you much and it's painful. But I couldn’t feel any pain; perhaps the wine has made me stronger.

Tell you what. [What?]  Since the time you left me, I’ve realized that I’m a good-looking man with whom many girls want to spend time. You see, love is really blind for it blinded me and I could see no one but you and only you. But, now my eyes are wide open, and I’ve awakened from the deep slumber of your bitter love. And what is this I see? I see everything as I wished they were. Believe me, even omotola jolade is eyeing and she’s more than willing to let her children call me their dad. She says she’d help sign me a deal with kennis if I keep banging beats like I did on je ka jo!


A person can get used to anything. As they say, time heals everything. Only in the beginning it seems painful, but when a person starts drinking (just like me) it is not going to be painful for the rest of a person’s life. Wine keeps me rocking all of the time nowadays. I know, your memory won’t be erased entirely in such a short period of time, but the more I drink the more it helps.  With more massive hangovers I’ll be able to abandon your thoughts from my mind. Though the pain be always new and the scar be old!.


BRETHREN, FRIENDS, COUNTRYMEN, AND FELLOW SUBJECTS NEVER EVER LOVE A BITCH! LOVE A REAL WOMEN!

Signing off,

Yours but not yours,

The King of the world, Mr Goodlife.......


This is a letter I drafted for my dear friend, Mr Goodlife! Loooooooool

Dear Ex Best Friend

Dear Ex Best Friend,

I miss you so much. And I honestly don’t know what to do to win you back. I know I went too far by advising you and you became a different person, but now I am friendless. I am sure you have a grudge or two held against me, but I wish I knew what to do. Because I loved chatting with you before you deleted me. And now I am stuck, docked in loneliness. I want you back, that's my cry! But all the same, do you miss me like I do???

Sincerely yours.

I Hate Valentine's Day Celebration

Valentine's Day is upon us again. Despite the promulgation of sappy romance movies and the sudden explosion of red and pink romantic decor in early January, many people happily go with the flow, welcoming Valentine's Day as an affirmation of true love.
And this is really what I don't get! Truly the history of st valentinus was for true sacrifice but what do we sacrifice???? I know you'd want to say love is a sacrifice too but what love? How's love with deceit a sacrifice??

The celebration of this day is over-exaggerated.

Oh well, like my boo will say! I wish every day was Valentine’s!

Why don't we love everyday? Why do we have to wait till Feb14 to show it?? Love is not occasional, don't celebrate because of occasions. Love everyday, or take everyday as Feb14 and there'll be joy everywhere.

Valentine's Day is one special occasion which lovers and couples await to celebrate with great anticipation. I wish everyday was valentine's...... The only moment when people fake to love without knowing the history of it! People are friendlier, lovers are romantic and everybody celebrates Love! The only reason why people get friendlier is because of the gift not because they truly love.


Valentine's Day serves one main purpose: to remind you that in a world of 7 billion people, you still haven't found that special someone...Back in my high school days, students could order Valentine's carnations for their love interests. And you wait all day thinking someone would send you flowers or a bottle of blue cocktail. (From Alhaja yussuf's tuskshop).


Valentine's day is worse because even people with complex relationship pretend to fake love. Cheating on your spouse...sleeping with the boss... Jumping on every guy's dick and yet you want to get a gift or you are expecting someone to show you love.
Imagine a guy who beats his woman everyday celebrate val's day, a day for sacrifice. Or a woman who threatens to break up with his man almost everyday. If you celebrate val, I tell you it's just a waste of money when you have all this characteristics.

I hate the val celebration because of some acts of promiscuity which they have attached to the celebration.

One other thing is it's over-commercialized. The saint's day of an obscure early martyr who had no known interest in love or romance, it is surprising that, according to the US Greeting Card ­Association, about 1bn Valentine's cards are sent throughout the world each year, fewer only than at Christmas.


I see celebration of val's day as neo-colonialism. A continued colonialism which made us to forget our own traditional values. Imagine, if st valentinus was obatala, will we celebrate it??? Is there going to be an 'Obat' day for celebrating love? I know majority of us won't, because we are vast and magnetted to the euro-western beliefs. We see any celebration of the traditional gods as ungodly, yet we see the celebration of an unknown saint as lovely. Isn't that ridiculous??

Pls note that you are free to take up the argument against and I'll be ready for a debate. Thanks for reading.

Love, Friendship And Betrayal (episode 2)

So I have to tell you the concluding part of debola's story. Got too many pings, mails and calls that ' we want to know what happened'.

Ok for those who missed it. 'Debola's trusted friend tolani snatched 'demola, her husband to be (in a marriage that was 3weeks away). And months later, Grace (another friend of debola) rushed in with an invitation card for tolani and demola's wedding.


So after checking the cover page up to a million times, I took the courage to check the address and other things on the card. Tears rolled down my eyes several times but Grace was there to help me with tissues. 'Everything will be alright', grace said. I told grace, Please can we go for the wedding just to honour our friend. 'I hate you, you are too weak and that's why they toiled with your emotions....' Grace screamed in her tiny but loud voice. I begged her and because she loves me, she agreed.

We got there late. They were still at church tho' but not on the order where the pastor would asked if there's anyone who doesn't want them to be joined together. But when the couple faced the church for closing prayer they were surprised and stunned. I and Grace had mixed feelings (happy for a friend but sad she did that to me).

At the reception, they both came to us. 'You are really wicked and mean, you cheap slut. Am not like her, I'll talk and you can't do anything' grace said gracefully. And from my shattered heart with a shambled voice, I cried 'tolani and demola you didn't do anything to me, infact you guys thought me one lesson about life , so I wish you both a blissful home'. They were relieved, I guessed from their facial expression and they danced all through.

I and grace headed to the club because I wanted to forget about them immediately after the reception...... I told grace ' I'll enjoy myself today, get naughty and grind every guy's balls'. 'Oh! I love that spirit' she replied.

But on our way to the club, I drived and series of thoughts started flowing in. From how I met demola, years we've spent together, the bond we shared. I thought about tolani too but I was like I have grace. But I don't have anyone to replace demola for now.


'Debola! Debola! Debola!' Grace shouted. Those were the last words I heard. The next word I had was 'ma'am how are you feeling now?' by a nurse.
I've been lying (unconscious) on hospital bed for a week and half. I asked the nurse where grace was and she said grace went home to get me clothes and other stuffs. I was guessing until this handsome, tall and fresh doctor came in. He's a fresh graduate, maybe! I couldn't figure out his other measure of hotness because I was just getting up from my everlasting one week and half sleep.
When "hawt" guys talk, the words are hot too! And the first four "hawt" words. 'Happy for you, miss!'. I giggled(blushed). Grace entered and ran to me in tears , hugged me passionately. So she told me we had an accident when I was thinking....... She wasn't affected in a bit. But the doctor was there, as I cry I look at the doctor and smile with my heart. But this smile ended when he said the words that made me cry and hate him. 'Ma, you have ruptured your ribs , which affected your spinal cord. So for now and maybe a year or two you won't be able to walk'.
Share your stories with us. - samgbotemi@gmail.com

LOVE, FRIENDSHIP AND BETRAYAL

As we opened the door to our flat wide, Tolani and i rushed to reach out for the Blackberry charger. The charger was mine quite alright and hers got blown up by our faulty generator but we still managed to share it, though that slowed down a lot of things, our phones had been off and we really needed to spring it to life.
Demola must have been trying my number since i said staring at the phone screen, waiting for the red battery sign to turn yellow and then white. Tolani who made her way to the kitchen after giving up on the charger fight had returned with a large tray bearing two plates of rice. I was about to pick my plate when this text message flashed in,' OH MY GOD', i screamed loud and dropped my phone bounced.

'What is it?' Tolani rushed to my side.
' No, No, this can't happen, what have i done wrong?', i clasped both hands and placed it in the middle of my head. 'Demola has killed me', tears were sprinting down my face.

'What is it now? What has he done, talk now'. I pointed to my phone and asked her to read my message.
'Hi, been trying your number for a while. I really need to get this straight, i dont want to go on with the wedding again, found a far-better partner. Deal with it'
What could have happened? I spoke with Demola five hours ago and he didnt even sound like he was going to stage such a big drama.

'You wont sit down and cry yourself out like an abandoned baby. Take your phone and call him rightaway.'
'Did you get my message?' That was the first phrase that popped out of his mouth.
'Whatt? Demola, whats the meaning of all that, what have i done wrong?' and then he hung up on me.

A surge of strength overpowered me. 'I'm storming his house right now, he has to explain this rubbish'. I snatched my car keys and rushed out, Tolani was behind me, i later handed the keys to her.
'Demola for Heavens sake, its three weeks to our wedding, whats the meaning of this?'
'I've had a busy day, i need some rest, i suggest you run through the message over again if there's any part you dont understand.
'But Demola......' Tolani's soft voice came next
'Stay out of this,' Demola cut in, he took his phone and walked to his room.

I sat on my bed replaying the family meeting we had two days later. Demola's parents were as confused as mine. He was insistent, his parents could do little to save the situation. Seeing his mind was already made up, we left in anger. I told him God would judge him and he would never find someone like me.

The room was dark and quiet, the sound of my tears robbed Tolani of her sleep. 'Its okay Debola, God will provide you with a far better guy'. She pulled my head to her chest'. Tolani was an angel, she had provided unrivalled support ever since the whole mess started. I was extremly lucky to have a friend who also cooked, ran errands and did virtually everything for me.

The next morning was the most surprising. I jumped out of the dinning table to squeeze my friend in my arms. Grace Tiamiyu, my Abuja-based fashion designer friend was the last person to visit me. She is ever so busy with work that we hardly see in a year. She was meant to be my chief bridesmaid.

'Tolani told me everything including your suicide attempts. Don't worry, now that i will be spending a month with you, we'll get that off your dainty mind.' She flashed a smile. Right there, i pulled Tolani to myself and gave her a long hug. The surprise really went a long way.

Two weeks later, Tolani was out of town, she was going to spend her one month leave with her parents in Ibadan. Her absence was mildly felt because Grace was still around but we talked at length on phone.
One Saturday evening. Grace had drove out to get some chips from a nearby supermarket, she returned one hour later panting. She gave me a long look and sat beside me. I was apprehensive, 'Grace did you see a Ghost or something?'

'Debola, it would have been better', tears trickled down her face. 'I gave Kunle, Demola's friend a ride just now, today is actually Demola's wedding
'And so?' i hissed and looked away not willing to be drawn into anything that has to do with Demola again. I picked up the remote control. But I noticed Grace's tears didn't stop flowing.


'What is it Grace? Are you ok at all?'
'People are wicked, terrible, disgusting, devilish' tears stopped the flow of her story. She dropped a wedding programme on my laps. Smiling on the cover page with Demola was my good friend, Tolani.


Pass your comments and thoughts.


Share your stories : samgbotemi@gmail.com

PUSH ON (with an encouraging article by Omojuwa : for bloggers only)

So I have to share this article with you all. Not because I want anyone to respect me or get me pageviews out of pity or something. There's this amazing thing about life, do things because you have joy doing them not because you want any profit from it. Because of your love for what you do, profit(s) would surely fall in. Don't even do things because people want you to do them, or because that's what people want. Do it because you have joy doing it. (Not sexual) *winks.

So whether you remain a full-time blogger (if that's the only job) or you've got another job, there's more to things than what we see. Am not blogging because of money but if money is going to be its fruit then I'll be glad to eat! When I used to be a 'weak willer' I closed a page on facebook. But now with motivation and support from God and readers, I'm not giving up.


Here is the omojuwa article: For Bloggers Only

So yes, if you have a real job and make a living off that I am glad for you. There are folks who don’t even have any.


This article is for bloggers who want to make a living out of the art. I will say some things here that’d portray me as proud but what has to be said has to be said. My attention has been drawn to what bloggers are about and what they are not based on the perception of some folks who feel we should get real jobs. I have ignored too many articles about the essence and importance of bloggers in the Nigerian political and social system. I ignored these articles because I believe a footballer’s best answer for his critics is to play better. In essence, a blogger’s best answer for his or her critics is to blog better, make more money and have more influence.


Nigerians are a unique people. We have a box in our heads of what a real job should or should not be. I have read tweets and comments from people who say things like “go and get a real job.” I checked the profile of one of those, and I found out he worked in a bank. That’s a real dream job for many Nigerians. I am first to admit that blogging is not a real job, but I never wanted a real job so I am fine. I could decide to work from my toilet seat on a Monday morning if I so desire. I could even decide not to bother at all after all I pay folks to post materials on my blog. I know a blogger who turns in at least N4 million per month. I don’t turn in that much every month but I am not in anyway far from that. Not only can I afford to take care of my own bills, I cater to the bills of numerous others. Last year blogging took me to four continents, made me earn money in at least 5 major currencies and I still do and will always do!


Let me assure you, if you really love blogging and you are willing to wait the period it takes to be regarded and to get the hits, it really does pay. I saw @Olorisupergal for the first time last April and she has grown in leaps and bounds since then. She not only gets free tickets to major events – I know many can afford them but “free” always feels good – she gets paid to talk about them. I should not tell you about Linda Ikeji beyond saying she’d buy that banker I mentioned earlier at least 20 times over every month. Of course it took her years – about 4 – to get a dime from blogging but today there is a chance she won’t have space for you if you don’t go early enough to pay for your space on her blog.


I do not blog for money. But I make money from blogging. This is just an aspect of a whole. The other part of the whole is that I get to speak about what I do all over the world. Later this year I’ll be on a tour of Europe and I got so busy speaking about this thing I had to employ more hands. The reason is because I love speaking and I love seeing the world. I will always blog. When they abuse us bloggers as not having real jobs, they are speaking from the point of our parents who saw musicians, footballers, photographers, make-up artistes e.t.c as nobodies. Today, our parents know better. If Bloggers are not there yet, that’s because we need more of you to redefine your game and up the ante.


So yes, if you have a real job and make a living off
that I am glad for you. There are folks who don’t even have any. This is how you a blogger should answer those who tell you to get a real job; keep doing what you do, keep doing it in your own unique way, if you must copy anyone do not forget to add your own touch and personality. Be different because that’s what sells. Be brave, be real and be you. Bloggers are bosses!
Follow @omojuwa on twitter or visit www.omojuwa.com

Thanks for reading this, you can ask us any questions. God bless you.

giving Honor To Whom Honour Is Due Linda Ikeji

Welcome To Jennifer Odje's Blog: Giving Honor To Whom Honour Is Due Linda Ikeji: Giving Honor To Whom Honor is due Linda Ikeji Posing with her two rides, the 2011 Infiniti FX 35 and her  2008 Toyota Camry. #Biggirls...

a friend for never..........

Friends forever, you promised.
Never to part, you said.
But now we’ve fought,
Words were thrown between us…
And now I’m lying here crying on my bed.

Part of me feels,
That it’ll never be the same…
Because my trust is gone
Sure we’ve fought before,
But they were always fixed,
And we both took responsibility to the problem,
But in this one fight,
You said there was only one person to blame…
ME.

I’ve always been there for you.
And I know I always will,
Because I cared about you then,
And I care about you still.
But still not any longer


Friends forever,
Was what we said we’d be,
But look at yesterday,
We’ve fought and now you are gone…
So what I really need you to see,
Is what you made it feel like,
All the tears I’ve cried,
But never mind I'd find someone
Like you...........
The hurt I’ve felt all through the night,
You said friends forever,
But really,
It was friends for never.


So I lost a friend yesterday! Pls share your story if you ever lost a friend. Send it to faladeadekunle@yahoo.co.uk. And be sure it will be published!

the message of funeral

I travelled home for a funeral ceremony of my friend's grandpa. It's a 'beerful' weekend here and am loving it. But there are lessons / significances in a funeral ceremony and that's what I wanna share my reflection on.
Today, people all over the world commemorate their loved ones with ceremonies that reflect their religious or cultural attitudes toward death. We need a ritual for death - one of the most significant of all passages. Funerals just don't recognize that a life has ended; they recognize that a life was lived. They offer survivors a chance to gather and recall what mattered to them about the deceased's life: his or her accomplishments, friendship, guidance or love.

The funeral ritual also helps the survivors to heal emotionally. When someone we love dies, we experience grief, which, though it hurts, is not something to avoid. Grief is part of the healing process that allows us to separate ourselves from the deceased person and go on with our lives.
To resolve their grief, mourners need to accept the reality of death not only on an intellectual level, but. on an emotional level as well. It is for this reason that the traditional funeral is usually preceded by an open-casket visitation period. This may seem unnecessary; but many people that I asked say that nothing helps you accept death as much as seeing the dead person. Viewings help with grieving because they show that there's no return.

Perhaps no other moment in the funeral process is as powerful as the final disposition. For survivors, this is a strong symbolic moment, a confirmation that they must let go of the person who dies and look ahead to a changed life.

So let's enjoy the moment(s) we have with our loved ones before they are gone.

Have a wonderful weekend.

Be Optimistic!!!

I have a good frend that is generous with BC (BB broadcast message). And this morning he sent "It'll all make sense one day,maybe not today,have faith, be hopeful and positive". He inspired me to share this article on optimism, one have been keeping in my draft for almost 2 weeks.




Optimists are undoubtedly more successful in all of their pursuits. When one maintains a positive mindset and expects success one is more driven to achieve his or her goals. Have you ever seen a pessimistic person be successful, happy or have a grand accomplishment? I doubt you have ever witnessed this rare occurrence, as it happens rather infrequently. Pessimistic people are left behind and have few accomplishments.

The optimistic conquer great feats and hurdle obstacles that pessimists couldn’t. Rather then focusing on whatever negative possibilities, they choose to fixate their minds on actively finding solutions using their new vision to thrive and succeed—but you’re Elite, you already knew that.



Winners are winners because they have embraced failure as a fact of life and risen above it. It’s not what happens to them that determines their rewards; it’s how they perceive these events.



Champions view negative events as being one off incidents, whereas losers think of them as being permanent and pervasive–here to stay. Losers allow minor setbacks to affect them in the long term, thus nullifying the possibility of progress before an attempt is made.



Optimism allows us to move on despite our setbacks and our bruises. There are no failures if we learn and decide to bounce back from such obstacles. Unfortunate circumstances are only truly failures if we decide to remain defeated. Keep our words in mind and you will have a level of optimism that will give you the strength to endure any test.

Be optimistic.