My Long-Winded Definition of 'in Love'

Being "in love" is the romantic stuff fairy tales and dreams are based on, filled with passion and longing. Children are raised on stories filled with instant attraction, romantic longing, danger and high drama - where the valiant Prince/King/Knight/Pauper saves somebody's Princess/Queen/Daughter, falls in love with her beauty, and they marry to live happily ever after. We grow up to believe that having a relationship is going to save us from a lifetime of loneliness or pain, and make all our troubles disappear.

For most, falling in love is an experience to be treasured as both scary and exhilarating. When we are in love our senses are stimulated to the maximum. The phrase "chemistry" has special meaning because we feel a tingle, a spark, an aliveness that we don't feel under any other circumstances. The sight, sound or touch of our beloved makes our heart jump. We get exasperated, frustrated, and feel somewhat off-center because of our doubts and questions, but, like an addict, we cannot get enough!

This feeling of insecurity about where we stand, coupled with the desire to win the heart of our intended is the Petri dish where the love bug and wild passion are cultivated! Sometimes the way we feel for our sweet beloved causes anorexia and insomnia.

Typical behaviours involve an inability to stop thinking of our new love, wondering how he or she feels about us. We're on edge, anticipating that first kiss, the first touch, the first night together. We wonder what our partner is doing, thinking, saying without us. Our days are filled with longing and our nights with passionate sex. With just a look, the desire to touch, kiss, hold is immediate. Sometimes we can't keep our hands off each other.

Some of us will lose all sense of self when we are in love, spending hours plotting with friends on how to keep our beloved focused on us, marriage, commitment, and in love with us. Many people claim to be helplessly in love with people they don't like very much, have nothing in common with, don't know at all, or know for a fact doesn't love them back... but decide they are madly in love anyway!

Digesting my long-winded definition of "in love" we come out with this: When she says that she loves you, but isn't IN LOVE with you, that means that she cares, doesn't want to see anything happen bad to you, she has affection for you, she may even respect and admire you, but she has absolutely no passionate desire for sexual intimacy. In other words, she cares for you like a brother. You are in THE FRIEND ZONE.

Being in love is truly wonderful, and an important part of creating a loving relationship. But if you don't have feelings like THAT for your partner, does it mean that a relationship doesn't have the capability to be rewarding, satisfying and long-term?

Well, that all depends on what you are looking for in a relationship.

Romantic personalities often expect life to imitate art. These people seek to find what they call "my soul mate" and believe that immediately and passionate attraction is the only basis to begin a relationship. One guy explained to me: "I want to feel that she is perfect, and feel myself light up when she comes into the room."

These people are often disappointed and then feel cheated and depressed when their lover's true human qualities come to the fore. It is inevitable that any woman this guy meets is NOT going to be the Perfect Princess of the fairy stories and his real life relationships will always prove to be a disappointment.

Realistic personalities are wise enough to know that basing your relationships on the "in love" feelings and abandoning the relationship when those feelings ebb like the tide is not the wisest decision.

To truly love someone takes time.

You cannot love someone for who and what they are when you met them 10 minutes ago. Likewise, you cannot love someone for who and what they are if you aren't honest with them about who and what YOU are. "Love" under those circumstances is just an illusion.

When you have had a few ups and downs, and share a bond created by affection, commitment, caring, security and trust, then you have love. Relationships where love rules provide a warm place to become vulnerable. Love creates in us a willingness to share of ourselves and our lives. We are an open book, risking hurt and heartbreak, trusting that the benefits of loving this person will far outweigh the risk!

You may be one of the lucky ones that loves someone you are also deeply in love with. However, you may be caught up in a romantic soap opera, in love with someone you know will never, ever really love you back. Sadly, not everyone we find ourselves "in love" with is a solid prospect for a loving relationship.

Let's hope that you never hear the words "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" and that you are instead the recipient of passionate love, commitment and romance... the stuff that dreams are made of!

Loving Yourself As You

We spend so much time waiting to be loved, hoping love will find us, searching, yearning for that special love. Feeling empty and lost without it. Wanting someone to give us love and fill us up. Unfortunately, that’s not usually how life works. Loving yourself is mainly having self-respect which is the only dependable way to create love in your own life to share with others. It is just like a yoruba saying that it is what you call your cloth people will call it. If you choose to love and respect yourself, people will too.


I have compiled a list on “how to love yourself” for readers who are facing difficulty with embracing themselves. When I first began to be aware that I need to love myself first prior to developing any meaningful relationships with others, I realized that I did not know where to start. I was surprised as I would have thought I’d be an expert on love and relationships by then.


1. Fall in love with yourself. Think about what makes you You. Just like a flower that needs watering to grow, learn to nurture yourself in every way. Love yourself for all the good that you see and accept your flaws and the fact that you are imperfect. This does not mean that you do not learn to change from your shortcomings; instead, you are being gentle and kind to yourself despite all your “flaws”. Look in the mirror and fall in love with the REFLECTION that is You.

“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.”
Oscar Wilde quotes (Irish Poet, Novelist, Dramatist and Critic, 1854-1900)

2. Eliminate Self Criticism. Do you often berate yourself over the tiniest thing? Is there a little voice inside your head that often tells you that you are no good because you are stupid or make mistakes? If you find that you often judge yourself, make an effort to stop the self criticism. This is also a product of inferiority complex and low self esteem. I have this problem befor until I met my lovely friends; segun, deji, bisola and gbenga. Segun thought how not to look down on myself.

3. Boost Your Self Confidence. Make a deliberate attempt to look for opportunities that can help improve your confidence. For instance, if you are particularly good at doing something, set aside more time to indulge and improve your skills on it. Knowing that you have particular gifts can boost your self esteem.

4. Have Fun. Inject some fun into your life. Life is meant to be enjoyed. Don’t take life or yourself too seriously. If you can think of life in this manner, you automatically relax and quit worrying over things that do not matter. This is the point I am in my life, where I want to enjoy myself and have fun to the maximum.

5. Let Go Of Worry. Loving yourself requires you to let go of your worry. It is a horrible way to live a life filled with constant worrying. I can attest to that! Worry does not help in any way. It cannot, on its own, make things happen. Only wise actions can! So instead of worrying, spend time thinking about what you can do to help in the situation. If the situation is beyond your control, then make a request to the Universe/God about what you want. Next, surrender your outcome.

“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.” — Epictetus quotes (Greek philosopher associated with the Stoics, AD 55-c.135)


I have a long list of catalogue (in reminisce voice). But I can only give you everything, if you consult me through mail, BBM, twitter, facebook.

Here's my conclusion after my points and it's an affirmation that gave me the PUSH-ON after Le Break Up!!!! Lol....

I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it — I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes.

Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know — but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me.

However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me.

I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.

Stay blessed!