Bitter in the cup of Joy: Time flies!

Once more I had sunshine. The clouds seemed to depart as suddenly as they had risen, and that same rejoicing and rosy light which had encircled the brow of manhood at its dawn long shrouded, seemingly lost for ever, and swallowed up in darkness--came out as softly
and quietly in the maturer day, as if its sweet serene had never known even momentary obscuration.

Love, verily, is the purple light of youth. If it abides, blessing and blessed, with the unsophisticated heart, youth never leaves us. Gray brows make not age--the feeble step, the wrinkled visage, these indicate the progress of time, but not the passage of youth.
Happy hearts keep us in perpetual spring, and the glow of childhood without its weaknesses is ours to the final limit of seventy. The sense of desolation, the pang of denial, the baffled hope, and the defrauded love, these constitute the only age that should ever give the heart a pang. I can fancy a good myself as a man advancing through all the mortal stages from seventeen to seventy-five, and crowned by the sympathies of corresponsive affections, simply going on from youth to youth, ending at last in youth's perfect immortality!

The hope of this--not so much a hope as an instinct--is the faith of our boyhood. The boy, as the father of the man, transmits this hope to riper years; but if the experience of the day correspond not with the promise of the dawn, how rapidly old age comes upon us! White hairs, lean cheeks, withered muscles, feeble steps, and that dull, dead feeling about the heart--that utter abandonment of cheer--which would be despair were it not for a certain blunted sensibility--a sort of drowsy indifference to all things that the day brings forth, which, as it takes from life the excitement of every passion, leaves it free from the sting of any. Yet, were not the tempest better than the calm? Who would not prefer to be driven before the treacherous hurricane of the blue gulf, than to linger midway on its shoreless waters, and behold their growing stagnation from day to day? The apathy of the passions is the most terrible form in which age makes its approaches.

With an earnest, sanguine temperament, such as mine, there is little danger of such apathy, The danger is not from lethargy but madness. I had escaped this danger. It was surprising, even to myself, how suddenly my spirits had arisen from the pressure that had kept them down. In a moment, as it were, that mocking troop
of fears and sorrows which environed me, took their departure. We have our gods and devils in our own hearts. The nature of the deities we worship depends upon our own. In a savage state, the Deity is savage, and expects bloody sacrifices; with the progress
of civilization his attributes incline to mercy. The advent of Jesus Christ indicated the advance of the Hebrews to a higher sense of the human nature. It was the advent of the popular principle, which has been advancing steadily ever since and keeping due pace with the progress of Christian education. The people were rising at the expense of the despotism which had kept them down.

I said to myself the kind of my heart is aging, the whistles and the balloons of another heartily wishes weakens my heart. I wonder what why I jubilate and people celebrate me as I journey closer to my grave. My youth is going, my boyhood is fading and rush of overflowing testosterone spines over my body is reducing(as I age I won't have the full strength to please my lady). Yet, people democracy(choose or vote) to be happy as this bitter of moving closer to time ender angel drops in my cup of joy.

I picked a head from ajala, I was favored a destiny, which was unrevealed to me but as I grow the mysterious revelations of what I had chosen unravel. Some I cried, some I laughed and some my being will still donate more tears to the earth and some my existence will spread a sweet sensation of smiles and happiness all over me. But in all there'll always be bitter in a cup of joy, just never let it turn all joy to bitter. Realize that the bitter in your cup of joy is to tell you that life is not worthwhile without the harmony of opposites. As time flies, so do we go up and down, the moral is never let a little moment of sadness overrule a large sum of joy. As we move closer to our graves each day, let us appreciate the essence of our lives.


Happy new month.

What you believe

What others think of us is important (as contrary to the view I held) because we derive a large part of our self-image from them, especially when we are young. That includes what out parents think, what our peers think, and what our teachers think. We can even internalize what those who have never met us think (those who never met us but speak a whole new truth(note the sarcasm) about us).

If you hear something often enough, you might begin to believe it. Once you believe it, you react to live out of your belief system. If others tell you often enough and effectively enough that you cannot lead, you are likely to believe you cannot be a leader. I had an incidence with a lady I dated who constantly complained that I had pride in me, in my quest to prove her wrong I just ignore her and say foul words to her, thereby proving her point that I'm proud. You see through your beliefs, not through your eyes. Philosophy is more powerful than sight because by your philosophy you interpret what you see with your eyes.

You can resist self-limiting philosophy with spiritual and psychological ''re-conditioning'' and your parents, your church or mentors can help you develop a strong self-awareness that inoculates you from what the world thinks. Thanks to a host of few friends who told me not to always feel inferior and stood by me in gaining some testosterone.....and to my godmother who smacks me anytime I ''little'' my abilities and belief in myself. Bible as a reference said ''let God be true and every man a liar'' (romans 3:4). So what men say about us is a lie, only God is the truth speaker.

Whenever ''they'' (awon ota : enemies) say ''you can't make it'', they are lying. The old folks say flat out, ''the devil is a liar''. The only person you should believe is God. You can what God established for you. Anything less is a lie. If car manufacturer built a car to drive at speeds up to 110miles an hour, it can. If God specifies that you can lead, you can and you should. If God ''particulars'' a certain greatness for you, you will and you should. There are two aspects of achieving greatness; 1. God's will for you to be great and 2. You will, push and desire to fulfill God's plan(s) for you.

I'm not concerned with what degree you hold, how much training you've been to or even how many followers you have gained. I'm keenly interested in what you believe about yourself, other people and the world. Some of these great achievers are college drop-outs and just high school leavers. I'm not saying you should drop out or not get atleast two degrees but you should believe in your power to (i.e YOU CAN).

Philosophy is probably the most powerful force in the world. Philosophy begins with thoughts or ideas and ideas control the world. The power of an idea is that it can create reality. Everything begins with an idea (wonder).

Perhaps you are sitting on a chair right now, that chair used to be someone's idea. I'm presently eating eba as I'm writing this piece today, that eba was someone's idea. The phone I'm using to type now is someone's idea. These were ideas or concepts that became reality.

To have effect, ideas must be communicated from the mind of one person to the minds of others. It is words whether written or spoken that transmit those ideas.

If I have certain ideas in my head, I can transmit those ideas to yo through words on the pages of my blog. Everything that has ever been made began in this ''word''. The greek term translated here as word in english actually reflects a more complex concept than we might first think. The greek word is logos, which literally means ''something said(including the thought)'' or a ''a word (as embodying an idea)''.

Everything even our physical world began with the expression of an idea. This is a principle that applies to all aspects of our lives, including achieving greatness.

The Tear Rubber and Tokunbo Phenomenon

These days it is very difficult to see tear rubber. As a typical Naija guy or lady, you'd know what a tear rubber is. But for the uncouth ajebutter , tear rubber is when you get an object new and it's covered with nylon or any sort of covering. If you get anything as tear rubber, evidently you will be the one to tear the rubber and start using it. So in more of the realistic sense, tear rubber is more of a new thing and you are the sole confirmation of the authenticity of the status of it's newness.

To every one side, there's an other side. Do you relate? To every word, there's surely an opposite of it or a relatively close word that antagonizes it. In this locus, what the opposite of Tear rubber is, is Tokunbo. We all know tokunbo now..... Anyways it's what we profoundly and proudly call fairly used. In that sense it must have been used by a former procurer or series of owner.

This is more of a metaphorical inclination of my nirvana (Buddhism heaven) .

These two adjectives are more controversial in the business world, as some find ultimate accomplishment in getting a tear rubber because they want to be able flaunt it that they used it first. And some go for Tokunbo as they believe it has been used before and has faced the realities of the road.

But despite the subjectivity in choice, people still go around to criticize one another. Those who go for tear rubber see the tokunbo lovers as people who love cheap things. On the other hand tokunbo lovers see the tear rubber buyers as people who take the ''newness'' of an object to a whole new level, because they have the notion that whether new or old, you are using thesame object and they don't care about the effectiveness.

Now lemme break it down. Tear rubber = Virgins , Tokunbo = non virgins.

One of the most interesting quandaries to ever surface from the dating pool is whether or not dating a virgin is still a man's preference. In a world where sexual promiscuity is rampant and the practicing of abstinence has all but died out, just about everyone is having sex — so much so that deciding between virgins and non-virgins almost seems useless.

Ladies whether you are a virgin or not, never respect a man who ask you whether you are a virgin or not unless he's a pastor and as a pastor you should understand people have their past(s). The problemtation (thanks to DR Idowu Williams) of the Tear rubber and Tokunbo phenomenon emanated mostly from the lustrous desires of men (a debate for another day).

The problem with most men is that they want to have their cake and eat it to. They want to sleep with as many women as they like, yet frown on women who do the same.
And therein lies the problem: Guys find women for one-night stands, but they're extremely reluctant to settle down with women whose sexual history is just as colorful as their own.

So how is one supposed to find a virgin when "holding out" is considered passé, and women are pressured to put out?

We should put aside whether a girl is a tear rubber or tokunbo, what should be the first skin of our thoughts is to love a lady in rain and sunshine(Tho' some ladies level of promiscuity is un-withstand-able) . Some girls just like cars could be tear rubber got their own mechanical fault deep inside of them due to rustiness and the rationale that since they are virgins, they are pure and different. I'm not saying going for a virgin is bad, infact girls who keep their seal should be applauded because where in a century where hymen intactness is degrading.
But while do you have to discourage people who wants to go for a tokunbo when you know you won't go for them? Have you ever heard of redemption of glory? A glory can be restored..... Not that a virginity can get back to you thigh opening but there can be a sense of feeling a whole again, it's a thing of the mind.

I know that this is the 21st century, and most people nowadays are very accepting of their partners not being virgins, but I also know some guys who prefer that their gf's be virgins because they don't like the idea that she's been touched by other guys in her previous relationships.

I've discussed this matter with 2 of my guy friends and received 2 different opinions in response.


Guy 1: "I don't care whether or not she's a virgin. In fact, I prefer that she isn't a virgin because she'd have more experience, thus better sex. I don't mind that she's slept with guys before, as long as their relationship was serious, and she wasn't just screwing any random guy."

This is a guy who understands both sides. He's aware that if guys are to be judged on a level of virginity (pennisginity), only a 3percent of adult will make it. And like I said a tokunbo has faced the realities of the road, and will be extra careful in tolling that road again.


Guy 2: "Call me selfish, but I would rather date a virgin. Let me just ask you this: Would you rather buy a used car, or a new car? Honestly, I think most guys would prefer to date a girl who's never been touched before. As for experience, well, there's always a first time for everybody, and the virgin girl can always learn.

I don't what to say about this guy, as I do not belong to this school of thought. But he's got he's reasons well stated.

What i opined is that choosing who to date whether based on judging whether she's a virgin or not, should be a thing of self. You should know what you want and don't use what you want to influence what other people want. Getting a tear rubber or tokunbo is a matter of fate. No matter how much u scrutinize before dating if you are not destined to date a virgin, you won't get one.

Do not discriminate! You don't know what the tokunbo have been through. Go for your choice, let other go for what they want without interference.

Tear rubber or tokunbo, ki oluwa maa so wa ni (may the lord guide us).

Alter Ego: Redefining Alcoholism-Wole Salami

Just giving an intro to this piece because of my respect for this guy in writing and drinking, also because of the cravings of certain readers for his work. You can follow him on twitter @woletino and contact me if you wanna get to him directly. Enjoy! - Gbotemi Falade


Relief in the bottom of a drink, is an over use cliché that all sober people would gleefully point to my alcohol-soaked brain to be only a product of culturally correct though morally and from a prejudiced point of view a no do good er. Yes I am alcoholic and proud of it! Mind you, by alcoholic I do not mean the image perpetuated by African magic of a wasted middle class man having problem both in his marriage and professional career and as such finding relief in the bottom of a bottle while also inadvertently ending up in the gully on his way home.
I seek to redefine what an alcoholic is by using my not so perfect life as a paradigm of a new wave of alcoholism that is premise on intellectual freedom only which alcohol would help release. Many of you would quite remember some of our childhood super heroes who possess super powers but not until they have adorn themselves with one prop or the other. So, for example we would see Green lantern becoming a hero through his ring, Batman in his custom made suit becomes a relentless and formidable opponent, Thor and his hammer, Ironman and his million dollar robo-tecno suit and of course Leo Messi with his addidas boots(apologies to all madristas). The point that I am trying to make is that it's high time that Professor Xavier school of the gifted enrol my kind of superhero. Yea, I said it, am a superhero. If you doubt the previous statement then allow me to dispel your scepticism (takes a swig from the bottle). First of all (go down low) being a hero implies engaging in heroic deeds. Heroic deeds therefore constitute those deeds that are bourne out of altruistic motive while also sacrificing one's being if necessary to stop the proliferation of evil(whatever that is). Your question is thus; how does drinking from a bottle of wine constitute as an act of heroism? If anything it should be a criminal offence and punished with the harshest severity of the law! Well my answer is quite simple, enforcing a rigid no alcohol ban in the world would rob mankind off his humanity. Whether you are a creationist or a big bang theorist you would agree with me that there is encoded in man some mystries(be it the soul or the unconcious mind depending on your choice of words)which alcohol helps bring to the fore.
My purpose is not to turn you all to alcoholics but to correct your bias and misconception that all alcoholics are the same. As a matter of fact, any bar would prove to you the diversity and uniqueness of each drinker. So you can have the brooding drinker who never says much but concentrate on not spilling his drink, there is also the talkative who creates discussion from the passing of a housefly, we also have the ridiculously funny drinker who, has a dozen of jokes and outlandish stories that would even crack up a humourless person, there is the boasting drinker who has performed innumerable feats such as outfoxing the devil and getting away unscathed, we also have sexual innuendo talking drinker who has had multiple sexcapdes with phantom females while also turning every innocent discussion into sexual one, there is also the political aware drinker, who somehow has detailed information on the inner lives of our political leaders while also giving political explanation and implications to your choice of drink, there is also the lamenting drinker whose personal woes and tragedies are curiously peculiar to him alone never mind that virtually all mankind have similar stories, there is the occasional female that is curiously the spokesperson for her gender simply because she possess mammaries like billions of females, the sagacious drinker who churns out aphorisms in between sips from his cup, there is of course my kind of drinker who is characterize with a multiple personality and thus can be both the boasting drinker and sagacious drinker depending on the gathering and the occasion, the list you can imagine is endless. All these characters are proof that all drinkers are not the same and that your frequent visits to the bar is an opportunity to educate your self with the complex and diverse human traits while also unleashing a core that you are hithertofore unaware you possess.

What I find therefore heroic about drinking alcohol is that only the noblest of man can devotes his life to an ecumenical understanding of man particularly by visiting several human laboratories(beer parlour) where a hidden part of man is readily revealed with the aid of alcohol.