Why Is Our Definition Of Happiness Dependent On What Everyone Else Thinks?

Are we really happy ourselves? Or everything is all but a pointless effort? Our happiness is (often) related to things, to people, to someone else’s actions. Our happiness or lack thereof becomes something that is dependent on how and why a certain someone behaves with us. This doesn’t necessarily have to be a significant other. It can be anyone who matters to you: your best friend, you sister, your mom, or even that guy you have been crushing on for so long. Or even the guy at the mall. Anyone. Everyone.

I was not going to put on this piece if not for my friend's take on what defines a lady's happiness and self. She thinks a woman is defined by the quality of her relationship with others. I think not so.

We have been so dependent on others for our share of happiness that we can’t handle it when disappointment strikes. I know humans can’t live in isolation and that interaction is vital. But so too is you yourself being the reason for your own happiness. And by that I mean, doing what you love. We have been reading it in books, quotes by famous authors, in every other article on the internet. Your source of happiness has to be you. It has to belong to you.

I also know that sometimes the one thing that gives us immense happiness is spending time with someone who means so much to us. But then there is the disappointment factor. There is no escape to it. You walk a road; you are going to be disappointed by a number of things. But these disappointments needn’t stop you from being happy.

Recently, a good friend of mine almost broke up with his girlfriend. So I got to asking him how he was and how things were working out for him. To my surprise, he said something I wasn’t expecting: he was “confusingly happy.” I didn’t quite understand what he meant by that. I mean, what is that one thing that can confuse you about happiness? Then I was told.


“The people.”

Why is it that we are so bothered by what the other person is doing even if it doesn’t affect us at all? Why are we so consumed by the idea of judging someone, even passively for that matter? And it doesn’t even end at that. We eventually become the victims of this practice too. If we don’t like it that someone else is judging us for whatever it is that we are doing, then even we should respect their choices and keep our butts out of their business. This way everyone is happy with what they are doing. Such a simple solution.

We worry too much about the "the people".
We think twice before doing simple, everyday things that are supposed to be normal. But they aren’t.

We think twice because we are not sure if we shouldn’t.

We should get over with relating our source of happiness and satisfaction to whatever the person sitting ten benches away from me is going to think. I mean, I don’t even fucking know that person!

I'll do as I want and do what makes me happy.

You know why?

Because that is what I like to do. And I don’t care if that pisses you off. And nor should you.

Working Hard or Working Smart

"Working hard" is a virtue that is often praised in our society. It is considered to be a great compliment to refer to someone as a hard worker. And while we are sometimes cautioned against overwork, most people would rather be thought of as workaholics, rather than slackers. For many, being thought of as lazy ranks right down there with being a liar or a thief.

But what exactly do we mean by the phrase "working hard"? Do we mean always doing physically or mentally arduous work every moment of every working day. Does it mean working to the point where we drag ourselves home physically or mentally spent and drop into bed exhausted at the end of every work day? Does it mean we always work as fast as we possibly can? Does it mean searching out more work, even busy work, when there is nothing productive to do, so that every minute is spent "Doing Something", even if it's pointless labour?

And this brings me to the point of this entry, the difference between "working hard" and "working smart". Someone working smart will attend to necessary tasks in a timely fashion in order to meet specific productive goals and at a steady, though not necessarily, frenetic, pace. Work done is always toward a useful goal and is not engaged in merely to "keep busy". Work is seen as but one component of a balanced life, where rest and leisure are seen as equally important, as someone who gets enough rest and leisure usually tends to work more productively. Work is seen merely as a means to an end, rather than an end of itself, so anything that can make a job easier is seen as an advantage.

Someone who works smart realizes that above all, we are paid for the time we give up for the needs of our employers, apart from the actual labour we do. Time is our most important commodity as , once spent, we can never have a particular block of time back in our lives to do over. In other words, once July, 2014 is over, I'll never have another July, 2014 to spend again doing different things.

Thoughts?

The Mechanic Workshop : Magun .

Nurses are known the world over for their wagging tongues. Next to market women, they are the world's renowned gossip bags. Somehow they seem to always have a sharp retort to every question and seemingly an opinion about everything. But this is not entirely true ofcourse. Most of their idle talk weighs next-to-nothing and one can scarcely learn anything new from listening to them. Auto-mechanics however (yes, mecho, as some of us call them) are not just good at sucking out petrol from a dry pipe with their mouths, but are also exceptionally good at sipping gossips. But, I have to say that I respect and will recommend their kind of gossip to that of nurses. They are able to relate their gossips to societal values. Nurses just 'duck' their mouth around making jest of the doctors and patients and in such a way that a listening neutral can not gain a single thing from it.

I was driving to deliver some goods for my mom's customer with a friend sitting right next to me. As I drove on the new double lane road constructed by our state governor, I noticed the car slowing down on its own accord. My effort in trying to throttle it back to speed was futile. My friend who was on his way to a date became impatient to get away especially since he didn't want to be spotted near a fault 504. Luckily, my mecho came to my rescue and helped tow the old car back to his workshop.

While we waited for the car, the welder in the workshop kicked off a gossip (or gist, because it's decent and educating to be tagged gossip after all) about an unfortunate man who died after sleeping with a woman laced with MAGUN

Magun is a Yoruba term which literally means “Do not climb” or “Do not touch.” It is an invisible sign that says, “Do not have sexual relations with this person.” The Yoruba believe that the man who has sexual intercourse with a woman who has been placed under the curse of magun could suffer various afflictions ranging from headache, seizures to possibly death.

This is usually done when a woman is suspected of extra-marital affairs. The partner/family the had place her on MAGUN (without her knowledge)to deter her from promiscuity.

The welder said " alfa, do you remember Lateef?". Alfa still busy on the car but gave a nod. "He's dead " the welder continued. The shock in the facial expression of Alfa, showed sympathy and pain. "O ba obin olobin sun, bi o se ko jombo niyen (he slept with another man's wife)" he said.
He continued "the husband of his mistress (ale) laced his wife with magun because he's been told of his wife's promiscuity. So after having sex with her, he started vomiting blood". By this time, the welder already earned the attention of everybody at the workshop except for the apprentices who would not dare contribute for fear of punishment.

Usually when a woman is placed on the MAGUN spell, she is expected to transfer the curse to her lover after intercourse within 7days. If unfortunately for her she has no extramarital affairs the woman in question would die unless her husband sleeps with her. While I hold on to this, supported with the welder's narration, I am undecided on just how true this is.

Is MAGUN mere superstition or some level of ignorance and depravity fostered by the irresponsible Nollywood? Or not?