‘Ehennnnn….I knew it was you’ she said. ‘Good afternoon aunty’ , with the sweetest smile you can muster, which isn’t very much. So after 15 minutes of idle chit-chat, she brings ‘it’ up again.
‘So you know Bisola is getting married next month ehn…….won’t you join her soon?’
‘Ha ha ha….well…aunty you know I….’ you volunteer, while simultaneously having thoughts that sound more like ‘Father Lord please get me out of this place now and take me home’.
She continues, ‘hmmmmm ….but, you are so beautiful. Ehn….look at you, you’re smart, you’re just beautiful…. you mean to tell me there is no man…’ she asks, while giving you her famous side eye.
‘Hmmmm aunty you know……it will happen in God’s time, you know I….’ you try again, while she swiftly interrupts you.
‘Ah ah… but what about that handsome young man I saw in that picture with you? Where is he now?’
Sigh. You are not about to start telling her that you and that ‘handsome young man’ have been broken up for the past six months. In fact, you have been single for quite some time now.
‘Hmmm all you these young girls….you need to be very prayerful oh….’ she says, while pulling down on her ear…. ‘you need to be very prayerful…who knows, maybe now many of them are coming, they want to propose, but you, you are making list in your mind..… Long list of what you want… My dear, that’s not how to do oh! You these women nowadays, don’t be deceived! Your small body is deceiving you! You think you’re still looking young, but how old are you now? You’re 25, 30 in few years…. You’re getting old! Your mates are all married, many of them with at least three children. If you don’t marry now, who will take care of "aunty mi" and "daddy yin" in their old age? Don’t you think they want to hold their grandchildren? Let me tell you one secret… You can bring joy to your parent’s heart when you marry….if you want I can find one for you....my friend's son, he's a handsome doctor in America.....’
And on and on she goes. It’s the same ol’ same ol’. Your mind wanders to different things as she talks, jumping from defending yourself due to all your professional achievements, to depositing responsibility for the production of grandchildren to your sister. That very same pregnant sister for whom you are in the market right now, standing under the hot sun, listening to this aunty speak. Another fifteen minutes later, aunty ends her speech with ‘mmm hmmm’ and waits. Oh yes, there is just one more thing expected from you at this point in time….
‘Thank you aunty’ you mumble.
‘Mmmm hmmm’ she replies, ‘let me be rushing back home now, but please think about it, saanu aunti mi’.
This scene has been repeating itself like a broken record. You really should be used to it by now. So why does it still bug you every time this happens?
Does the skit above sound familiar in any way to you or anyone you know? There will most likely be someone in your circle who has a similar story to tell, especially if you are from, or were raised in an Nigerian household. This is because we place such an emphasis on the importance of marriage in ones destiny. I sincerely love the institution of marriage, I would love to be married someday, I love what marriage stands for, I love weddings. It has been very interesting for me as a Nigerian to observe and experience different perspectives of marital expectations placed on those of us who are unmarried (whether still single, or just getting ready for marriage) by the ‘older generation’ and by our married peers(this is mostly for the ladies). But as guys, we don't face much pressure as ladies. Therefore, this is for the other sex. Ladies, let us talk about this!
Perhaps the greater issue here is that expectation of our society for women to be married at a certain age. There nearly seems to be a stigma placed upon ‘older’ women who have never married. There are always stories going around about ‘what that lady did wrong’ that landed her in spinsterhood. Never does anyone seem to consider that for some perhaps, spinsterhood may have been a choice made at some point in their lives. As Nigerians (maybe as Africans), marriage is very important to us not just for the normal institution it is, but also for the fulfilment of a certain status! In our society, one day you may be walking on air happy with the career you have and moving along just fine. But due to the subliminal pressures you have been receiving, the next day you may very well wake up with a sense of marital urgency on your mind. Not just the girly kind we see in the movies. What I am talking about is full-blown paranoia! This paranoia starts telling you to find a man to ‘put a ring on it’ before all your ‘eggs are old and fried’. And no doubt, when taking biology into consideration it is advisable to have children between certain age brackets. However, when finding a lifelong mate in the 21st century, there are so many levels of compatibility to consider.
No, I am in no way anti-marriage. I feel the need to categorically state this again. Most aunts who give the type of advice outlined above will probably just want to see you happy, and in their book, marriage will complete you. As annoying as all those little talks can be, they may very well be well-intentioned. That being said, from what I have been told by a married friend of mine, till you know in your spirit that you are making a well-informed choice that brings you peace, do not give into aunt's(people's) pressure. There will only be two of you in the marriage, aunty will be long gone. So rather let your choice be a good one.
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